Love at Every Sight: Three God-Guided Practices for Truly Seeing Your Spouse

Remember the romantic comedies where love happens at first sight? Or perhaps the fairytales where Prince Charming sets eyes on Cinderella and immediately knows she’s the one? Well, real life isn’t a two-hour movie or a twenty-page book. Real love isn’t about the first sight; it’s about every sight thereafter. For those of us blessed to be in the sacred union of marriage, maintaining a God-centered relationship is about continually seeing our spouses anew, just as God sees us.

A Lesson From A Love Note

Years ago, I orchestrated a surprise engagement for my wife, Julia. I watched her from a distance in a church parking lot, where I’d left a hasty note on her car: “I SEE YOU!” While the note was a last-minute improvisation after losing my originally written poem, it later evolved into a guiding principle for our marriage. We both came to realize that the key to marital bliss wasn’t just hearing each other; it was about truly seeing each other.

God’s Way of Seeing

In Exodus 2:24-25, we are told that God not only heard the groaning of the Israelites but also saw them. When God sees, He communicates that the person is known, understood, and remembered. If sight is so powerful for God, why shouldn’t it be for us? Too many wives feel as though they are invisible, even in the presence of their husbands. Could it be that, as husbands, we aren’t truly seeing because we aren’t really looking?

Jesus: The Noticing Savior

Jesus went about His ministry not just hearing prayers but noticing people. From recognizing Nathaniel under a tree (John 1:48) to seeing Zacchaeus up in another (Luke 19:5), Jesus showed that He saw individuals for who they truly were. His acts of noticing showed compassion, care, and divine love. Husbands can learn from this. We don’t need to be the perfect representation of Jesus for our wives, but we can certainly reflect His attentive and loving nature.

Three Practices to Cultivate ‘Sight’ in Your Marriage

Inspired by Scriptural teachings, I’ve incorporated three simple but transformative practices to help me see my wife in the same way I felt God has always seen me.

1. STOP: Pause to Observe

Taking a leaf out of Moses’ book from Exodus 3:4, when we pause to truly observe, God begins to lead. I consider these pauses as opportunities to engage my curiosity about Julia’s world. What makes her happy? What are her dreams or disappointments? These are the moments where the foundation for understanding is laid.

2. SCRIBE: Take Notes

After observing, I jot down what I’ve noticed. From things that make her happy or sad to any mention of a “just because” gift, I make it a habit to write it down. The act of writing engrains these observations into my memory and makes them actionable.

3. SPEAK: Voice Your Observations

Finally, it’s time to voice what you’ve seen. First, to God—praying for her needs, her challenges, and her joys. Then, to her—telling her what you’ve observed offers her validation, love, and support. Speaking brings the observations full circle and makes the act of seeing a complete, powerful tool for strengthening your marital bond.

Gaining Altitude in Love

In the end, these simple practices offer a panoramic view of God’s blessings through my marriage. Like gaining altitude on a mountain hike, each step—stop, scribe, speak—elevates my perspective, making me appreciate the depth of God’s love for me and, in turn, my love for Julia.

So, when was the last time you truly saw your spouse? Maybe it’s time to make “I SEE YOU” more than just words on a forgotten note but a lasting principle for a love that renews at every sight.