Choosing a Spouse Shapes Generations

When we think of legacy, our minds often turn to achievements, family names, or financial provision. But few decisions impact a family's legacy more profoundly than whom our children choose to marry. As parents, we pour energy into their education, sports, and social development yet often overlook the spiritual gravity of the marital covenant.

According to Pew Research, about 61% of U.S. adults are married or living with a partner, yet only 47% say both partners share the same religious faith. That disconnect can sow deep discord over time. More than a relational bond, marriage is a spiritual union with generational consequences. It affects not only your child’s spiritual walk but also the trajectory of your grandchildren and beyond.

Start at the Table

My wife and I raised five children, and one of our most impactful parenting strategies was gathering around the dinner table not just for nourishment, but for discipleship. We aimed for dinner together at least four times a week, often more. These conversations became sacred space where values were instilled and hearts were shaped.

Faithful parents are not silent observers. We’re called to teach not just through our actions, but through our words. Deuteronomy 6:7 instructs, “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” The subject of marriage should be no exception.

Begin these talks when your children enter puberty, and keep them going. Let the conversation evolve as they grow, always pointing back to God’s design.

Seven Principles for Marriage Selection

1. Prefer singleness to an unwise marriage

A marriage lasts, on average, between 50 to 70 years if it endures. That’s a significant portion of life. Teach your children to wait for wisdom. Singleness is far better than a misguided union that dims their spiritual light.

2. Marry to go deeper with Christ

Scripture is unequivocal: believers must marry believers (1 Corinthians 7:39, 2 Corinthians 6:14). But belief isn't just about lip service. Encourage your child to look deeper does this person love and live the Gospel? Do they hunger for God? Will this relationship draw them closer to Christ?

3. Marry a potential best friend

Attractiveness fades, and careers can rise and fall. What endures is companionship. Shared interests, joy in one another's company, and a mutual pursuit of Christ are the bedrock of a strong marriage.

4. Focus on the vows

Weddings aren’t performances. They’re solemn vow ceremonies before a holy God. Teach your children that the flowers and music fade, but the vows must endure “till death do us part.” Every wedding should echo the sober joy of Psalm 2:11, “Rejoice with trembling.”

5. Prepare to burn your bridges

Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. There is no backdoor. The sacred promise mirrors Christ’s love for the Church steadfast, unwavering, and sacrificial. Divorce isn’t an escape hatch when things grow inconvenient.

6. Don’t marry someone to change them

If you can’t live joyfully with your partner as they are today, don’t assume time will fix it. People may grow, but marriage isn’t a project. It’s a promise. Go into it with eyes wide open and a heart ready to forgive even if nothing changes.

7. Expect to be sanctified

Marriage will stretch, test, and refine you. Rough edges will be exposed, not to wound, but to sanctify. As Gary Thomas beautifully put it, “God designed marriage not to make us happy but holy.” And through that holiness, happiness often follows.

A Legacy Beyond the Altar

Choosing a spouse is the second most vital decision our children will make second only to their decision to follow Christ. We, as parents, have a sacred duty to guide them through it with the same seriousness we give to their salvation.

According to the Institute for Family Studies, children from intact, faith-centered marriages are significantly more likely to thrive spiritually and emotionally. The stakes are eternal.

So, gather around the table. Share your stories. Share your struggles. Open God’s Word together. And never underestimate your influence. Because no one is more qualified to teach your children about marriage than someone who has lived it in faith and truth.

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