Christians Need to Stop Rushing Into Marriage

In many Christian communities, dating feels more like a sprint than a stroll. A couple meets, sparks fly, and within what feels like minutes, wedding bells are chiming. There's pressure spoken or not to move fast, get serious, and seal the deal. The phrase “be intentional” becomes a code word for “get married quickly.”

But what if this well-meaning urgency is actually shortchanging Christian relationships?

Licensed counselor and relationship expert Debra Fileta has seen the damage caused by skipping the slow, necessary work of relational growth. “It’s tempting to let go and bare your heart and soul when you find someone you genuinely connect with,” she says. “But giving too much of yourself prematurely is a recipe for disaster in the making of a relationship.”

It’s a timely warning. Rushing romance may sound spiritual avoiding sin, guarding hearts, and aiming for commitment but it can bypass the vital process of truly knowing another person. And worse, it often fails to consider the spiritual and emotional readiness required for marriage.

The Sacred Season of Dating

According to Fileta, dating should not be a mere formality on the way to marriage. It should be a sacred, intentional season of discovery. “There is something sacred about the season of dating,” she explains. “It’s where vulnerability, discovery, and friendship deepen before commitment. Don’t skip that part.”

Many Christians treat dating as a box to check or a stage to rush through. But that mindset misses the deep, formational purpose of dating. It’s not just about evaluating whether someone is marriage material. It’s about becoming the kind of person who is ready to love and serve well within a covenant.

As Fileta puts it, “Dating well means focusing on who God has made you to be, not just who He might have made for you.” That means developing character, communication skills, spiritual depth, and emotional maturity. Those qualities don’t flourish overnight or under pressure.

Rooted in Identity, Not in Urgency

The healthiest relationships begin with a secure identity in Christ. Fileta urges singles and dating couples alike to stay rooted: “When you date with your identity rooted in Christ, you won’t lose yourself in the process. No matter what happens in the relationship, your foundation remains.”

Too often, people find their identity wrapped up in another person’s approval. But a relationship built on insecurity becomes fragile. Dating is meant to be a place where two whole individuals come together not two half-formed hearts hoping for completion in each other.

When your foundation is Christ, your dating life doesn’t have to be frantic. It can be free—free to explore, to ask questions, to laugh, to grow.

The Rhythm of Seasons

So what does it actually look like to slow down while dating?

Fileta encourages couples to view their relationship like the changing seasons:

• Spring brings new beginnings and curiosity.

• Summer grows intimacy and joy.

• Fall introduces challenge and refinement.

• Winter tests endurance and deep commitment.

Each season has purpose. Each stage deserves time.

“Healthy relationships are formed little by little,” Fileta says, “with the natural give and take that comes with the unfolding of time. Every good thing takes time to blossom, so don’t rush a relationship by giving yourself too quickly. Trust has to be earned one step at a time.”

A Love Story Worth Savoring

Marriage is not a finish line; it’s a covenant. A lifelong partnership rooted in love, sacrifice, and faith. Entering it well requires a heart that’s patient, honest, and prepared. And that kind of readiness only comes with time time to talk, time to learn, time to simply be together.

There is no shame in letting your relationship breathe. Laugh through the awkward first dates. Have deep conversations. Discover quirks. Let grace and growth guide your steps instead of fear and haste.

“When you slow down and date with intention,” Fileta says, “you honor the sacredness of your journey and prepare yourself to walk into marriage whole, not hurried.”

Isn’t that what we all long for? Not a rushed romance, but a real one. A story with depth, not just drama. A love that has been tested, proven, and matured over time.

So to the Christian dating world: take a breath. Walk, don’t run. Let love unfold in God’s perfect timing.

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