The Church Must Stop Treating Singles Like They’re in Waiting

By 2030, nearly 45% of U.S. women between ages 25–44 are expected to be single and child-free. That isn’t just a cultural footnote it’s a demographic earthquake.

This rising tide of singleness isn’t just happening outside the Church. It’s shaping its very fabric. Yet many congregations continue to treat single adults especially those over 30 as if they’re stuck in a holding pattern, waiting for “real life” to begin the moment they say “I do.”

But singleness isn’t a problem to be solved. It’s a reality to be recognized, respected, and even celebrated. And the Church has some catching up to do.

More Than a Demographic

Single adults are not an anomaly. They are not just the college-age young adults hanging on the church’s margins. They are leaders, prayer warriors, artists, entrepreneurs, caregivers, neighbors. They are a deeply woven thread in the tapestry of the Body of Christ.

Yet many churches unintentionally communicate that singles are spiritually incomplete, as if the full expression of sanctification happens only in marriage. You hear it in sermon illustrations that only make sense if you have a spouse. You see it in church events built exclusively around families. You feel it when the only celebrated milestones are engagements, weddings, and baby showers.

And you hear it in well-meaning comments like, “Enjoy your singleness while it lasts” or “God’s timing is perfect,” which often sound more like thinly veiled pity than encouragement.

A Deeper Kind of Sanctification

There’s no denying that marriage is sanctifying. But so is singleness.

As Dr. Bella DePaulo rightly noted, there are many life experiences outside of marriage grief, suffering, illness, calling, discipline that God uses to shape His people. And if Jesus, Paul, and countless saints throughout history were single, the Church should never imply that singleness is a lesser path to holiness.

Sanctification isn’t the exclusive territory of the married. Christlikeness doesn’t require a ring.

Real Struggles, Real Stories

For many singles, especially those committed to following Jesus in a culture obsessed with romance and sexuality, the road can be long and discouraging. The temptation to compromise grows with time and weariness. Some let go of Biblical convictions simply because they feel forgotten by the Church and unseen by God.

This isn’t hypothetical. It’s reality. And the Church must learn to meet these struggles with empathy, not platitudes.

One friend, worn down after years of dating disappointment, eventually declared, “I’m done waiting. A God who wants me to be alone forever must be cruel.” She didn’t lose her faith overnight. She just got tired. Her story echoes that of many who started out with strong convictions, only to find themselves disillusioned by the silence of their community and the slowness of God’s timing.

What the Church Can Do Differently

So what’s the solution? It begins with shifting language and posture.

Pastors and leaders must acknowledge that not every adult in the room is married. This includes everything from how sermons are structured to how announcements are made. When a pastor refers not only to “your spouse” or “your kids,” but also to “your friends” or “your roommates,” it signals to singles: “You belong here too.”

Celebration is another key area. Churches host countless showers and parties for engagements and births. These are good and important. But why not also celebrate graduations, job promotions, retirements, adoptions, or even anniversaries of sobriety? Every milestone matters when you're part of a spiritual family.

And when someone single is sick or recovering from surgery, offer a meal train or help with transportation. Don't assume they have someone to lean on. These small acts communicate big truths: you are not alone, and your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.

Intergenerational Community Matters

One of the richest experiences in the Church comes from intentional intergenerational friendship. One woman shared how her most meaningful church relationship began when a couple invited her, a recent grad, to dinner. What followed was a “Crochet Club” that grew into a community of women ranging from their 20s to 70s, all learning from one another.

This is what the Church is meant to be diverse, interconnected, real. But it requires effort. It requires open doors and open hearts. It requires listening to those with different life stories and experiences.

For Singles: Don’t Waste This Season

Singleness can be painful. It can also be profoundly beautiful.

Without the demands of a spouse or children, singles often have unique freedom to serve, travel, build friendships, and devote themselves fully to ministry or creative pursuits. Paul didn’t describe singleness as a burden, but as a gift (1 Corinthians 7:7). That doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it is meaningful.

Seek God with your whole heart. Ask Him to use your time and talents boldly. Surround yourself with friends who encourage you and challenge you. And resist the lie that your value is tethered to your relationship status. It isn’t. Your worth is secured in Christ.

For the Married: Make Room

Married friends, especially those who married young, don’t assume you understand what it’s like to navigate adulthood alone. Listen well. Don’t brush off the ache of singleness with rushed advice. Be willing to invite someone single into your home, into your routines, and into your life.

Marriage isn’t a reward, and singleness isn’t a penalty. Both are callings. Both are sanctifying. Both are sacred.

The Church will become more beautiful when we stop dividing people by marital status and start uniting them in love and mission. We need each other more than we know.

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