Do I Need to Learn to Love Myself?

“Love yourself.”

It's the steady drumbeat of modern culture a gospel of self that preaches the path to peace and wholeness is paved with self-acceptance, self-expression, and self-prioritization. From magazine covers to motivational memes, we’re told to love our skin, our personalities, our dreams, our choices unconditionally.

But does that message actually hold up? More importantly, does it align with the Bible?

A high school listener named Danielle asked a wise question: “Should we love ourselves? Is this something we need to be mindful of, or is it an assumed, inborn inclination? What does the Bible say about self-love?”

The answer cuts deeper than slogans and forces us to reexamine the roots of love, identity, and human nature.

What Did Jesus Mean?

When Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39), He wasn’t commanding us to start loving ourselves more. He was assuming something already universally true: we do love ourselves.

Not in a narcissistic or vain way. Not necessarily with warm feelings or deep admiration. But at the most basic level, we seek our own well-being. We avoid pain. We long for happiness. We instinctively look out for ourselves even in self-destructive moments.

Even those who struggle with depression or low self-esteem still operate from this inborn instinct to minimize suffering and maximize peace. This is what Jesus was pointing to:
“As you instinctively care for yourself, care for others in the same way.”

That’s the radical nature of His command. It doesn’t elevate self-love it uses it as the baseline for how radically we are called to love others.

What Kind of Love Are We Talking About?

When Jesus assumes self-love, He’s not talking about affirming your appearance, loving your personality, or celebrating your life choices. He's talking about the way we naturally pursue comfort, safety, happiness, and peace.

In fact, Jesus flips that desire outward. He teaches us to deny ourselves (Luke 9:23), to count others more significant (Philippians 2:3), and to lose our lives for His sake (Matthew 10:39).

This stands in stark contrast to today’s cultural message, which insists we must love ourselves before we can love others. But Scripture teaches something far more profound:

It’s in giving ourselves away in dying to self that we find true life.

But What About Self-Worth?

This doesn’t mean you’re worthless. Quite the opposite.

You were created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). You were fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). You were so loved that Christ died for you while you were still a sinner (Romans 5:8).

Your value doesn’t come from how well you love yourself. It comes from how God loves you.

And because of that, you are free to stop obsessing over yourself both your flaws and your strengths and begin to fix your eyes on the One who gave you worth before you were even born.

The Difference Between Acceptance and Surrender

Our culture preaches self-love through unquestioning acceptance of everything about ourselves our feelings, identities, impulses, and choices.

But the gospel offers something better than self-acceptance: surrender.

We are not called to accept every part of ourselves as good, but to bring every part of ourselves to Jesus our strengths, weaknesses, sins, gifts, and wounds and let Him transform us. As Romans 12:1 says:

“Present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.”

Joni Eareckson Tada, paralyzed since age 17, understands this better than most. Reflecting on her decades in a wheelchair, she once said:

“The weaker I was in that thing, the harder I leaned on [Jesus]. And the harder I leaned on Him, the stronger I discovered Him to be.”

God doesn’t ask you to love every limitation or like every part of yourself. He asks you to trust Him with it all and offer yourself fully to His purposes.

A Better Love

Instead of telling young people to love themselves more, we should point them to God’s love, which is far more stable, far more satisfying, and far more transformative than anything they could offer themselves.

And instead of telling them to focus inward for worth and wholeness, we should point them to the One who said:

“Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

Self-love demands performance. God’s love offers peace.

Self-love is often fleeting. God’s love is everlasting.

Self-love centers you. God’s love frees you to center others.

So do you need to love yourself more?

No you need to know how deeply God already loves you. And from that place of security, you can love others boldly, serve sacrificially, and live joyfully without having to be obsessed with how you feel about yourself.

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