Learning to Express Affection Better

Many Christians want deeper relationships with God, with friends, with family but find themselves stuck when it comes to expressing affection. We freeze up, change the subject, or crack a joke. We read the passionate confessions of someone like Augustine and wonder, Why can’t I talk to God like that?

You’re not alone. The struggle to verbalize heartfelt affection whether for God, a spouse, a child, or a close friend is far more common than we think. But we’re not stuck. Here are eight steps toward cultivating a more affectionate and expressive heart:

1. Recognize the Problem

Some blame their emotional reticence on personality, but the Bible teaches that “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). A lack of expressed affection is not merely a personality trait it’s a spiritual issue. It may reflect a disconnect between the heart and the mouth that God never intended.

2. Examine Your Heart

Ask yourself:

• Do I genuinely love Christ (Matthew 10:37)?

• Do I delight in God (Psalm 37:4)?

• Do I treasure Him above all things (Matthew 13:44)?
  If these affections are not present in your heart, the solution isn’t to fake your words it’s to deepen your relationship with God.

3. Discern What’s Blocking You

For some, the blockage is sin pride, fear of man, cynicism, or even bitterness. Ask God to show you what’s clogging the pipeline of your affections. In John Piper’s own life, pride once kept him from lifting his hands in worship until God humbled him and set him free.

4. Memorize Scripture That Models Affection

Let the Bible tutor your tongue. Start with these:

• “I love you, O Lord, my strength” (Psalm 18:1)

• “My soul thirsts for you, O God” (Psalm 42:1–2)

• “There is nothing on earth that I desire besides you” (Psalm 73:25)

Say them aloud in private. Over time, you may find these affections shaping your own and spilling over into public prayer and worship.

5. Spend Time with Expressive Believers

Emotional expression is contagious. Surround yourself with mature Christians who are both reverent and free in expressing their love for God. Watch how they pray. Listen to how they speak about Jesus. Let their freedom embolden you.

6. Set Your Heart on Heaven

Revelation gives us a glimpse of heaven loud, expressive, joyful praise with unrestrained affection for God. If that’s where we’re going, why not begin practicing now? “Everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure” (1 John 3:3).

7. Realize That Your Praise May Save Someone

Psalm 40:3 says, “He put a new song in my mouth . . . many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.” Your expressions of affection for God may be the very thing God uses to awaken faith in others especially your children, spouse, or friends.

8. Pray for God to Open Your Lips

Psalm 51:15 is a prayer for those who feel locked up: “O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.” Ask God to make your heart tender and your tongue free. Then keep asking and trusting that He will.

You’re not alone in this struggle. But you also don’t have to stay here. Through the Spirit, the Word, and the help of God’s people, you can grow in expressing your love for Christ and others in ways that are both true and freeing. Let the journey begin today with just one honest prayer. Share this article or subscribe to our newsletter for updates.