Faith Woven in Sisterly Love

“Exhort one another . . . that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” (Hebrews 3:13)

The most loving words Jani Ortlund heard in a moment of deep despair weren’t what she expected or wanted. As she sobbed in fear over her husband’s unjust removal from ministry, she looked to her mother-in-law, Anne Ortlund, for comfort.

Instead, Anne looked her in the eyes and gently said: “Jani, stop it.”

No anger. No judgment. Just a holy, Spirit-filled firmness that refused to let fear rule the moment. And that simple, firm word pierced through the fog of fear and changed everything.

Why We Need More Than Comfort

We often equate love with comfort. In moments of deep suffering, our instinct is to sympathize to affirm, to console, to cry alongside. That’s good. Scripture commands it (Romans 12:15).

But it also commands something else “Exhort one another every day . . . that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (Hebrews 3:13).

Jani’s panic wasn’t harmless. Her fears were distorting reality, pulling her deeper into despair, threatening to paralyze her as a wife, helper, and daughter of God. She didn’t just need sympathy. She needed to be rescued lovingly confronted and reminded of who God is.

Her mother-in-law could have feared offending her, or stayed silent to avoid awkwardness. But instead, Anne feared God more than disapproval. And her exhortation a simple “stop it” became a gift of grace.

The Snare of Fear

Fear is sneaky. It feels justified, especially when circumstances are genuinely painful. But Proverbs 29:25 warns us, “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”

Jani was ensnared bound not just by circumstances, but by what if questions and anxious spirals. Anne helped her break free by calling out the false ruler of her heart: fear.

“Mom didn’t join my fear-fest,” Jani writes.
“She helped me ask, ‘Why am I bowing to fear instead of trusting the Lord?’”

Why We Don’t Exhort

Why is it so rare for Christians to give this kind of loving exhortation?

• We’re afraid of sounding like Job’s friends.

• We’ve seen spiritual advice given without grace.

• We don’t want to seem “un-Christlike.”

But perhaps the real reason? We’re afraid.

Afraid of awkwardness. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of saying the wrong thing. But when we let fear keep us silent, we coddle sin instead of confronting it and that’s not love.

“Better is open rebuke than hidden love.” (Proverbs 27:5)

What Exhortation Looks Like

Exhortation isn’t harsh. It’s not cold. And it’s not self-righteous.
It’s love armed with truth. It’s grace that doesn’t flinch. It’s faithful enough to say, “Stop looking at the storm look at Jesus.”

A godly sister or brother will:

• Listen carefully and patiently.

• Speak slowly, with gentleness.

• Point back to God’s word, not opinions.

• Offer comfort, but also correction when needed.

• Exhort in love not to control, but to free.

The Blessing of Bold Love

Anne’s words weren’t what Jani wanted but they were what she needed. That moment became a turning point in her faith, her marriage, and her ability to walk through suffering with strength.

“Blessed is the man who fears the Lord . . . He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.” (Psalm 112:1, 7)

Sometimes, the most loving thing you can say to a sister is: “Stop it. Look at Christ.”

If this blessed exhortation stirred your heart if you’re caught in fear or you know someone who is share this story. Or subscribe to our newsletter for more truth-filled content that helps you love others with firm, faithful courage.