Forgiveness Is Still the Hardest and Holiest Choice

It’s one thing to talk about forgiveness. It’s another to offer it in the midst of unbearable pain.

This past week, forgiveness stunned a nation when Erika Kirk, speaking at her husband Charlie’s memorial service, publicly extended grace to his alleged killer. Quoting Jesus “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” she added, “I forgive him … I forgive him because it was what Christ did, and it’s what Charlie would do.”

In a stadium filled with mourners, and in front of millions watching online, her words landed like a holy thunderclap. At the very moment when grief could have hardened into rage, she reached for grace. For many, it was unimaginable. For others, it was unsettling. For all, it was unforgettable.

Forgiveness Feels Foreign

That is the strange and beautiful paradox of forgiveness. Our culture celebrates it in theory, but often resists it in practice. We love stories of grace from a distance until grace is expected of us. Forgiveness feels unnatural because it resists the instincts that come most easily: anger, retribution, the need to be right or to make sure others pay for what they’ve done.

But forgiveness real, gospel-shaped forgiveness is something far deeper than emotion or instinct. It is a spiritual act of rebellion against bitterness. It does not pretend the offense never happened. It simply refuses to let the offense rule the rest of the story.

The Gospel Is Forgiveness

This isn’t a side topic for Christians. Forgiveness sits at the heart of the gospel. Jesus not only preached forgiveness; He embodied it. He offered it to sinners, to enemies, to executioners. He didn’t just command it; He lived it.

Scripture ties our forgiveness of others directly to the forgiveness we receive from God:

• “Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37).

• “As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:13).

• “If you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:15).

To follow Jesus is to walk a path paved with mercy mercy we receive and mercy we extend. And that means forgiveness is not optional. It is essential.

What Forgiveness Is Not

Because it is so central and so hard many people misunderstand what forgiveness really is.

Forgiveness is not forgetting

God doesn’t ask us to erase memory like deleting files from a hard drive. Our scars tell stories. In fact, some offenses are too severe to forget, and pretending otherwise can be harmful. Forgiveness means we release our right to vengeance, not our ability to remember.

Forgiveness is not reconciliation

It takes one person to forgive, but two to reconcile. Forgiveness can be offered unilaterally; reconciliation requires mutual humility, repentance, and often, time. For abuse victims or those deeply wounded, this distinction is crucial. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean inviting them back into a place of trust.

Forgiveness is not a one-time event

While it may begin with a decisive moment, forgiveness is often a process. We may need to forgive the same offense many times especially when the pain resurfaces. It is a daily act of surrender. As Richard Rohr says, “People do not think themselves into new ways of living; they live themselves into new ways of thinking.”

Forgiveness isn’t tidy. It’s not neat. But it’s real, and it heals.

Why It Matters Now

In an age fueled by outrage, offense, and division, forgiveness might be the most countercultural act a Christian can perform. The world says, cancel them. Jesus says, forgive them. The world demands justice now. Jesus offers mercy that cost Him everything.

And perhaps that’s the point: forgiveness always costs something. It cost Jesus His life. It costs us our pride, our demand for control, our addiction to being right. But as Erika Kirk demonstrated, the cost is also where the power lies. It is costly because it is holy.

Recent studies affirm what Scripture has long proclaimed: forgiveness heals. A 2021 report published in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that people who practice forgiveness experience greater emotional well-being, less anxiety, and stronger relational health. But for Christians, the call to forgive goes beyond wellness. It’s a witness to the world that grace is real even in the darkest moments.

Grace Refuses to Let Pain Win

Forgiveness doesn’t minimize the wound. It magnifies the grace. It is not a way of pretending evil didn’t happen. It’s a declaration that evil won’t have the final say.

The Bible is filled with stories of broken people forgiven by a holy God:

• Moses, a murderer, becomes the lawgiver.

• David, who orchestrated a death, becomes a man after God’s heart.

• Paul, who hunted Christians, becomes the church’s greatest missionary.

God’s grace reached them. And if it reached them, it must be able to reach the ones who wound us, too.

Erika Kirk’s choice to forgive was not naïve. It was courageous. She didn’t deny the depth of her pain. She simply refused to let vengeance steal her peace. Her words didn’t excuse evil. They exposed mercy.

Forgiveness Is the Way Forward

The world is watching Christians right now. In a culture obsessed with payback, grace stands out like a candle in a dark room. We have the chance to show the world something different: a people who don’t just talk about Jesus, but who live like Him even when it’s hard.

And that starts with forgiveness.

Whether the wound is personal or public, recent or ancient, the invitation stands. Christ forgave you, fully and freely. Will you offer the same to others?

Forgiveness may not change your past. But it can transform your future.

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