Staying Grounded When Loved Ones Deconstruct

It feels like everyone’s deconstructing. The worship leader who once sang your favorite hymns? Now sharing Richard Rohr quotes and astrology memes. That couple from your small group? No longer attending church. Even the Christian influencer you once admired has publicly walked away from core beliefs.

But you're still here. Still holding on. Still following Jesus, even if the path feels lonelier than it used to.

You're not imagining things. A 2023 Barna study found that nearly half of practicing Christians under 30 have experienced a significant season of doubt. And if current trends continue, Pew Research predicts that Christianity could become a minority faith in the U.S. by 2070. We are living in a moment of massive spiritual and cultural shift.

And yet, not everyone is deconstructing. Some are quietly staying still believing, still praying, still going to church, even if they carry questions too. But staying doesn’t mean standing still. It requires its own kind of intentionality, courage, and reflection.

You Don’t Need to Have All the Answers

When friends begin to question their faith, our instinct is often to jump into apologetics mode. But according to Justin Brierley, author of The Surprising Rebirth of Belief in God, what most people need is not a debate, but a safe place to be honest. “The church hasn’t always been great at that,” he notes.

Instead of rebuttals, try curiosity. Ask what triggered their questions. Ask what they still believe. Ask what they miss. You don’t have to agree to be compassionate. In fact, that empathy might open more doors than any argument ever could.

Don’t Panic

Yes, it’s unsettling when someone you love begins to unravel their faith. But it’s not necessarily the end of the story. Lifeway Research found that 68% of young adults who leave church eventually return. Springtide Research reports that 74% of Gen Z still identify as “spiritual,” even if they’re suspicious of organized religion.

This isn’t about people turning their backs on God. More often, it’s about rejecting legalism, hypocrisy, and political agendas dressed up as gospel truth. What they’re often seeking is not rebellion it’s authenticity.

Look Inward, Too

Sometimes, in trying to be the "faithful" friend, we ignore our own questions. But if everyone around you is reexamining, maybe it's worth asking what you've built your faith on.

“Deconstruction isn’t the enemy,” says Dr. A.J. Swoboda, author of After Doubt. “Dishonesty is.” There’s no virtue in pretending to be okay when your soul is struggling. The gospel invites transformation and that often requires tearing down what’s false to make room for what’s true.

Don’t Other Them

It’s tempting to draw a dividing line: us versus them. But the body of Christ was never meant to be a clique. If we believe Jesus is the Truth, then honest seeking should never scare us.

Don’t turn your friends into projects. Let your friendship be a place where grace still speaks louder than judgment. Listen more than you preach. Show up with presence, not pressure. And trust that God’s love is more patient than we sometimes imagine.

Hold Space Without Holding Back

Being the “non-deconstructing” friend doesn’t mean you’re spiritually superior. It just means your journey looks different for now. But your faith still matters. Don’t dim it out of fear. And don’t wield it like a weapon. You can be rooted and open-hearted at the same time. That’s what love looks like.

The early church didn’t grow because everyone agreed. It grew because believers stayed connected, even when things got hard. That’s still the model. Stay. Be faithful. And walk beside those who are wrestling not with judgment, but with the hope that Jesus still meets people in the middle of their mess.

If this speaks to where you’re walking right now, share it with someone or subscribe to our newsletter to receive more gospel-centered encouragement each week.