When Loved Ones Walk Away from Faith

Few wounds cut deeper than watching someone we love walk away from Christ.

We prayed for them. We cried with them. We rejoiced at their profession of faith. We shared late-night conversations, held hands in prayer, and heard their voice raised in worship. Then, slowly or suddenly, something changed. What once seemed so real now seems like a memory and a painful one at that. They no longer follow Jesus.

Scripture prepares us for this grief. In 1 John 2:19, the apostle writes with sorrow, “They went out from us, but they were not of us.” These are not strangers. They are people we once called friend, brother, spouse, even child. They sat in our churches, confessed Christ, renounced the world but only for a time.

We assumed their story would end with “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Instead, we are left with “They went out from us.”

When the Gospel Seems to Die

Jesus speaks directly to our pain in the parable of the sower (Matthew 13). Of the four soils, two receive the word and respond with joy, but eventually fall away. For anyone who has grieved a friend’s false conversion, these two stories feel tragically familiar.

The Shallow Soil: Withering Under Trial

Jesus describes one soil as rocky. The seed of the gospel springs up quickly but lacks depth. When the sun rises and trials come ridicule, persecution, personal loss the plant withers. This person seemed joyful at first, perhaps even passionate. But their roots never grew deep.

They liked the idea of Jesus, but not the cost of following Him. When hardship arrived, so did their departure.

John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress tells of such a man: Pliable. Eager to escape the City of Destruction, he joins Christian on the path to life. But after stumbling into the Slough of Despond, he turns back, offended and disillusioned. He wanted heaven, but not hardship.

We’ve seen this in real life too. The one who once confessed Christ now turns away, unable or unwilling to endure affliction for His name.

The Thorny Soil: Choked by the World

The second tragic soil is thorny ground. Here, the seed grows but never bears fruit. Why? Because other loves grow alongside it loves that eventually choke it to death. Jesus names them: “the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches” (Matthew 13:22).

These are the people who get busy, distracted, or entangled in comfort. The gospel, once precious, is crowded out by career goals, romantic relationships, or material pursuits. Slowly, the pull of eternity weakens under the weight of the present.

Demas was one such man. Once a co-laborer of Paul, he’s later described as having “loved this present world” and deserted the mission (2 Timothy 4:10). The thorny soil claims even the most promising believers.

The Soil Reveals the Heart

In each case, the soil is the soul. Some hearts are shallow quick to respond, but slow to endure. Others are crowded filled with rival loves that eventually smother faith.

But there is a third category good soil. Luke 8:15 describes them as “those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience.” These are the ones who endure. Their hearts have been changed. God has removed their hearts of stone and replaced them with hearts of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26–27). The Spirit Himself dwells within them, empowering them to obey.

True believers don’t just sprout quickly. They endure slowly. They bear fruit not instantly, but patiently. And their story ends not with apostasy, but with glory.

Grieving and Hoping

So where does this leave us when someone we love turns back?

Grief Is Right

It’s right to weep over those who once seemed to walk with Christ. Paul spoke of “great sorrow and unceasing anguish” for his lost kinsmen (Romans 9:2–3). Jesus wept over Jerusalem (Luke 19:41). Our tears are a proper response to the tragedy of apostasy.

Hope Remains

But grief is not the final word. Hebrews 6 warns that some cannot be restored, but it also says, “This we will do if God permits” (Hebrews 6:3). God is sovereign over restoration. Some who appear to fall away may still return. James 5:19–20 reminds us, “If anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back… whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death.”

God is still able to awaken dead hearts and soften hardened soil. Until their final breath, we must not stop praying, loving, and hoping.

Guarding Our Own Hearts

And in our sorrow, let us not grow presumptuous. Scripture warns us all: “Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart… But exhort one another every day… that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (Hebrews 3:12–13).

Even as we mourn for others, we must tend to our own hearts. Examine your soil. Are you bearing fruit with patience? Are you resisting the cares of the world? Are you rooted deeply enough to endure hardship?

God’s people are those who persevere not because we are strong, but because He keeps us. As Jude 24 says, He is able “to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy.”

A Prayer for the Fallen

Father, we weep for those who once walked with us.

We do not know their end, but you do. For those who have fallen away, have mercy. Awaken what once seemed dead. Soften their hearts. Pull the thorns. Dig beneath the rocks. Grant them true repentance and restore them to yourself.

And for us, Lord keep us. Keep our roots deep in You. Keep our hearts from distraction. Keep our faith from withering. May we not only begin well but finish faithfully. Let the last words written over our lives be, “Enter into the joy of your Master.”

Amen.

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