Guiding Children Through the Grief of Losing a Loved One

For weeks, our children had prepared for the National Bible Bee’s Proclaim Day, diligently memorizing Scripture. When the moment arrived, their small voices filled the vast room, proclaiming God’s Word. But it was our 11-year-old son, Jack, who surprised us most.

After his initial recitation, he stepped onto the stage again and said, “I want to share a verse that I find very comforting. We read this a lot when we had a friend who was passing away.” Then, with unwavering confidence, he recited 2 Corinthians 4:16–18 from memory.

My husband and I exchanged a look of awe. We had never practiced these verses with Jack. Instead, we had read them during family worship as a dear friend lay in hospice care. Unbeknownst to us, God had been planting those words deep within Jack’s heart, strengthening his faith through grief and reminding us all of His grace in sorrow.

Helping Children Walk Through Grief

When a loved one dies, we may feel overwhelmed trying to guide our children through the loss. Their hearts are so tender, and we wonder: Should we shield them from the full weight of sorrow? Will talking about death frighten them? Should we suppress our own grief for their sake?

As a retired trauma surgeon, I have sat beside many dying loved ones. Walking through these experiences while raising children has taught me the importance of balancing sensitivity with honesty. Our natural instinct is to shelter our kids from pain, yet true shepherding means preparing them for the realities of life in a fallen world.

Death is an inevitable part of our earthly existence, and our children will encounter it at some point. While they are under our care, we have the sacred opportunity to shape their understanding of loss through a biblical lens one that acknowledges grief while pointing to the hope we have in Christ. Here are five ways to guide children through the valley of sorrow with wisdom and faith.

Create Space for Conversation

Children experience deep emotions, but they may not always express them immediately. Silence does not mean they are not struggling. After a loss, make space for them to share their fears, sadness, and questions.

When Jack was four, our friend David entered hospice. One evening before bed, I noticed Jack seemed troubled. When I asked, he inquired about how David had developed emphysema and why death happens. Then, he requested that we visit David every day until his passing which we did.

Our nine-year-old daughter, Christie, responded differently. After attending the funeral of a dear friend, she withdrew into silence. When I gently asked her about it, she admitted that standing at the graveside had frightened her. We later discussed how movies and books often portray cemeteries as places of fear, but in reality, our friend was now with Jesus. Only her earthly body remained here.

Children need reassurance that their feelings whether fear, sadness, or confusion are valid. Give them permission to ask difficult questions and explore their emotions with you. Let them know that their concerns will not burden you, and that they can always turn to you for comfort and guidance.

Normalize Grief as a Time to Weep

Many parents instinctively try to “fix” sadness. But rather than rushing to stop tears, help your children understand that grief is a God-given response to loss.

Help your children recognize that grief is not something to fear or suppress. It is a process one that looks different for everyone. Some may cry immediately, while others may feel numb. Some may struggle with questions about God, while others find peace quickly. Whatever their emotions, let them know they are not alone in their sorrow.

Frame Death as a Consequence of the Fall

Children often ask why death happens. Rather than offering vague reassurances, give them the full biblical picture.

By explaining death in the context of sin and redemption, children begin to understand why suffering exists. But most importantly, this discussion allows you to share the good news: Jesus has conquered death. Through His resurrection, He has turned the grave from a final enemy into the doorway to eternal life (1 Corinthians 15:55–57).

Model Trust in God

Children observe how we respond to loss. If we live in fear and despair, they will learn to do the same. But if we demonstrate trust in God, they will see that our faith is not just words it is the foundation of our hope.

Read Psalm 23 together and talk about how God walks with us, even in the “valley of the shadow of death” (Psalm 23:4). Remind them of Deuteronomy 31:8 God promises never to leave us or forsake us.

This doesn’t mean pretending we aren’t grieving. It means being honest about our sadness while also expressing confidence in God’s sovereignty. Even when we don’t understand, we trust His plan.

Point to Our Hope in Christ

The greatest comfort we can give children is the truth of the gospel. For those who trust in Jesus, death is not the end it is the beginning of eternal life.

Jesus Himself said, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live” (John 11:25–26).

Some children may worry about loved ones who did not attend church or openly profess faith. If so, point them to God’s mercy. Share the story of the thief on the cross, who received salvation in his final moments (Luke 23:43). Assure them that God is just, loving, and trustworthy, even when we don’t have all the answers.

Faith That Endures

After the Bible Bee, I asked Jack why he chose 2 Corinthians 4:16–18. His answer was simple: “It helps me remember we have hope because of Jesus.”

That is the truth we all need whether we are 5 or 95. In the face of death, our hope is secure in Christ. Even as we grieve, we stand firm in the promise of eternity. And through it all, we can trust the One who holds our hearts, our lives, and our future. Share this article or subscribe to our newsletter for updates.