Harder Isn’t Always Holier

“We don’t celebrate Halloween, actually.”

You’ve heard it before someone casually mentions a personal or family conviction, and you suddenly feel a twinge of discomfort. Maybe it’s not Halloween for you. Maybe it’s dairy, TV, a certain book series, or a product boycott. Whatever it is, their decision feels stricter than yours, and with that comes an almost automatic question:

Am I wrong for allowing what they refuse?

This reaction is more common than we admit. In many Christian communities, especially among women navigating parenting, homemaking, and discipleship, a quiet bias often lingers beneath the surface: the assumption that harder must mean holier. That somehow, the more rules we adopt, the more we deny ourselves, the more pleasing we are to God.

But is that truly biblical?

The Trap of Self-Made Religion

In Colossians 2:20–23, the Apostle Paul directly challenges this impulse:

“Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch”… These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh.

Scripture affirms that some pleasures can indeed be dangerous when misused. Yet Paul warns that severity and abstention, while they may appear wise, are not automatically holy. He reminds us that even the harshest self-denial can be rooted in pride, fear, or false righteousness.

Asceticism has existed in every culture and religion from monks in the desert to modern minimalist trends each seeking purity through denial. But God did not design holiness to come from rules alone.

Not All Pleasures Are Sinful

Some actions are clearly off-limits for the Christian sexual immorality, drunkenness, harmful drug use, or anything that undermines love for God and neighbor. But even here, we see that these are twists of good gifts sexual intimacy, celebration, medicine. As Paul says in 1 Timothy 4:4–5, “Everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving.”

Bread is good. Books are good. Music, when received with a grateful heart, is good. It is not the pleasure itself but its misuse that corrupts.

Statistically, this misunderstanding of pleasure and denial can have real consequences. A 2021 Barna Group study found that over 60% of young adult Christians reported feelings of guilt over enjoying secular music, hobbies, or entertainment, even when there was no clear scriptural command against it. Many carry spiritual anxiety not from actual sin, but from the fear of not being “holy enough.”

The Social Pressure to Be Stricter

In today’s connected world, personal convictions are often made public. What used to be shared in intimate conversation is now posted online, sometimes subtly framed as “the better way.”

This creates not just comparison, but confusion. Is stricter always better? Should we reevaluate our freedoms just because someone else abstains?

Women especially are influenced by other women’s choices. Whether it’s parenting style, dietary restrictions, or what books their children are allowed to read, there’s a strong relational desire to align with those around us. While community can encourage holiness, it can also produce pressure that leads to unnecessary guilt or fear.

Yet, Scripture places the weight not on appearing righteous, but on glorifying God. As 1 Corinthians 10:31 tells us, “Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

God is glorified not by fearful avoidance, but by joyful worship.

Eve’s First Error Was Not the Bite

Many remember Eve’s sin in the garden as a failure of restraint she took and ate what was forbidden. But before she ever reached for the fruit, she committed a subtler sin. She believed that God was a God of withholding. That He was not generous. That He was not good.

Her abstention from trust led to her indulgence in rebellion.

This perspective reframes the fall: it was not merely an act of reckless pleasure-seeking, but a rejection of the pleasures God had already given. She stopped seeing God as the provider of abundance and believed the lie that holiness comes through restriction alone.

The enemy still whispers that lie today.

A Theology of Holy Enjoyment

As Christians, we are not called to be pleasure-fearers, but truth-seekers. The goal is not simply to abstain, but to understand.

Paul’s words to the Corinthians continue:

“‘All things are lawful,’ but not all things are helpful. ‘All things are lawful,’ but not all things build up… Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.” (1 Corinthians 10:23–24)

This is the wisdom of maturity: recognizing that freedom is good, but love governs its use. There are times when abstention is the most loving and faithful choice. And there are times when joyful participation honors God more deeply.

Recent neuroscience studies echo this, too. Engaging in healthy, God-honoring pleasures like shared meals, music, rest, or nature can help lower stress hormones and increase empathy. Enjoying God's good creation isn't a distraction from holiness; it can deepen our awareness of the Giver.

The Heart Behind the Choice

The real issue isn’t in the rule or the freedom it’s in the heart behind the choice. Is it driven by fear? By comparison? By a desire to appear more spiritual?

Or is it driven by a hunger for the glory of God?

C.S. Lewis once said, “It is a Christian duty, as you know, for everyone to be as happy as he can.” Joy isn’t optional. It’s commanded. When we enjoy God’s gifts rightly, they become windows to see Him more clearly not barriers to holiness, but bridges to wonder.

So when you feel that tug the moment you hear, “We don’t do that,” and your heart begins to question itself pause. Examine. And ask:

Am I honoring God with freedom or with fear? Am I looking at the gift, or looking along it to the Giver?

You are free to enjoy what God has called good. You are also free to abstain when love requires it. Holiness isn’t found in the rule, but in the worship.

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