Raising Up Better Men

The other kayak glides a few feet ahead of mine, where my six-year-old son sits paddling with all the might his tiny arms can muster. He’s flushed with effort, curls plastered to his forehead, but there’s a grin on his face that says it all he’s leading. He’s responsible. He’s needed.

“Mom, watch out for that log!” he shouts back to me, his voice full of joy in having something to protect me from.

That moment, tender and small, captures something bigger: the process of a boy becoming a man. Masculinity, in its truest form, is not about dominance or bravado. It’s about selfless leadership, thoughtful initiative, and loving protection. And every man you meet whether your son, husband, brother, or friend is a man-in-process.

God’s Design for Masculinity

When God created man, He gave him a role and a responsibility (Genesis 2:15–19). Men were designed to initiate, to guard, and to build. That divine blueprint still pulses in the heart of every man. It's why young boys are drawn to challenges, why they respect strength, and why they are often driven to work, compete, and conquer.

But in a fallen world, this calling can go awry. Initiative turns into aggression. Strength morphs into violence. The drive to build withers into apathy or laziness. When masculinity fails, the effects ripple outward through homes, churches, and entire cultures.

Today, we live in a society where many boys grow up without strong male role models. In fact, studies show that 1 in 4 children in the U.S. live without a father in the home. The loss of daily, lived-out masculinity leaves a vacuum one that women can help fill, not by becoming men, but by encouraging the men around them to rise to their God-given calling.

The Woman’s Role: Seeing and Speaking the Good

The apostle Paul calls all believers to think on what is true, honorable, and commendable (Philippians 4:8). Women are uniquely positioned to be noticers trained observers of what is good and growing in the hearts of the men around them.

When you see a boy holding a door open, a young man volunteering his strength, or a husband staying late to fix something he doesn’t want to deal with say something. Let your words be seasoned with grace (Colossians 4:6). Even a simple "thank you" or “I noticed that” can breathe life into weary male hearts.

Developing this kind of insight requires intentionality. It means choosing to look past the flaws and focus on the progress. Like spotting a rare flower in the woods, once you know what to look for, you begin to see it everywhere.

Tiers of Responsibility

Encouraging men doesn’t mean treating every man the same. There are tiers of responsibility and intimacy that shape how we interact with them:

1. Husbands
Your husband, if you are married, is your first ministry. You are called to walk beside him as his partner and helper (Genesis 2:18; Ephesians 5:22–33). This includes honoring his leadership, encouraging his strengths, and showing grace in his weaknesses. It may even mean biting your tongue when your input isn’t requested, offering praise more freely, and showing gratitude regularly.

Small changes like choosing affirmation over critique can foster a home where your husband grows stronger, not smaller.

2. Sons and Fathers
For sons, begin young. Invite them to take responsibility in small ways: asking them to pray, open a door, or carry something “heavy.” Let them see the weight of their strength. With fathers, offer respect and gratitude, acknowledging the ways they’ve protected or provided, even imperfectly.

3. Brothers in Christ
In the broader family of God, men need women who will speak life into their efforts. Thank your pastor for a thoughtful sermon. Express appreciation to the men who serve in your church. Accept help when it’s offered. Ask for wisdom where you know they can speak with authority.

4. Strangers and Acquaintances
Even brief encounters can be opportunities. A kind word to the grocery clerk, eye contact with the waiter, or a smile with your "thank you" can create a cultural shift that makes masculinity feel welcome and worthwhile.

Why It Matters

Encouraging masculinity isn’t about flattery or feeding egos it’s about aligning with God’s design. It’s about recognizing that men, too, are made in His image and called to a noble and holy purpose.

In a culture where masculinity is often misunderstood or maligned, women have a sacred opportunity to call men higher not with nagging or criticism, but with gracious affirmation, patient trust, and sincere respect.

Your kindness, your notice, your belief they are like water on thirsty soil. They don’t make the plant grow, but they nourish what God has already planted.

And so we keep kayaking alongside our sons and husbands and brothers. We let them lead where they can. We warn them gently when needed. We praise their effort, and we pray for their journey. Because helping men become better men doesn’t begin with a lecture it begins with love.

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