How Conflict Can Shape Christlike Character

Some of us avoid conflict like it’s lutefisk at a potluck.

We prefer relational weather that stays comfortably neutral. No storms. No raised voices. No awkward silences. If everyone would just stay calm and agreeable, we imagine, peace would reign.

Others don’t avoid conflict at all. They charge into it. Words fly. Opinions harden. Winning feels urgent.

Whether we retreat like sheep or charge like bulls, conflict finds us. It has since Genesis 3. Ever since Adam and Eve reached for what was not theirs, human desires have collided. James 4:1 names it plainly: “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?”

Conflict is not an interruption of normal life. It is part of life in a fallen world.

But what if conflict is also an opportunity?

The Gospel Reframes Conflict

Calling conflict “an opportunity” sounds unnatural. Most of us experience it as stress, tension or emotional threat. Studies show that workplace conflict alone costs U.S. businesses over $350 billion annually in lost productivity. In families, unresolved conflict is consistently linked to anxiety, depression and relational breakdown.

We feel its weight.

Yet Scripture presents a startling truth: God steps directly into conflict. The Bible is, in many ways, a sweeping story of war and reconciliation. Humanity rebelled. God pursued. Through Christ, He made peace.

Second Corinthians 5:18 declares that “God… reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.” Colossians 1:20 says that Jesus “made peace by the blood of his cross.”

That phrase should stop us.

He made peace by blood.

Our reconciliation with God was not achieved through polite conversation or mutual compromise. It cost the Son of God His life. When we were alienated and hostile in mind (Colossians 1:21), Christ did not withdraw. He moved toward us.

If that is how God handled conflict with us, how can we approach conflict with others as though it is beneath us?

Conflict is an opportunity to resemble Christ.

What Our Conflicts Reveal

James calls them “wars of want.” Beneath our arguments lie desires. We want comfort. Control. Recognition. Vindication.

When someone threatens those wants, we react.

Sometimes quietly. We withdraw affection. We rehearse arguments in our minds. We keep mental score.

Other times loudly. We interrupt. Accuse. Exaggerate.

But every conflict exposes something deeper: what we love most in that moment.

If I must win, perhaps I worship being right.

If I must be understood, perhaps I worship approval.

If I must avoid discomfort, perhaps I worship peace on my terms.

Conflict reveals our idols more quickly than almost anything else.

And that revelation is a gift.

Because what is exposed can be surrendered.

Reborn, Not Just Improved

The gospel does not tell us to “try harder” in conflict. It tells us we must be reborn (John 3:3).

Before we can reconcile like Christ, we must first be reconciled to Him.

Have you experienced His mercy personally? Have you seen that He did not crush you when you deserved it? That He washed your feet, clothed your shame and absorbed your punishment?

Philippians 2:7 says Christ “made himself nothing.” The eternal Son humbled Himself to restore us.

If we have received that mercy, it reshapes how we enter disagreements. Not perfectly. Not instantly. But progressively.

The Holy Spirit produces fruit in us love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22–23). These qualities are not personality upgrades. They are supernatural growth.

And conflict is often the soil where that fruit matures.

Horror or Splendor

Every conflict nudges someone in a direction.

C.S. Lewis once wrote that we are helping one another become either “immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.” In tense moments, we either reflect the enemy’s tactics accusation, pride, self-obsession or Christ’s heart humility, truth and sacrificial love.

When we enter conflict red-hot and defensive, we often resemble the accuser more than the Advocate.

But consider how Jesus handles confrontation.

He speaks truth without panic.

He rebukes without cruelty.

He listens without insecurity.

His identity is not threatened. His worth is not on trial. Because He rests in the Father’s love, He can love even when misunderstood.

Imagine how our homes would change if, in the middle of disagreement, we said and meant “I love you more than this fight.”

That posture does not erase hard conversations. It transforms them.

Seeing Others Clearly

Conflict tempts us to reduce people to their worst moments.

But Scripture insists that every person bears the image of God (Genesis 1:27). Your spouse, your coworker, your child, your church member even in their immaturity is an image-bearer.

If they belong to Christ, they are not just opponents in a debate. They are members of His body.

Statistics show that couples who practice consistent repair attempts during conflict small gestures of reassurance, humor or affection are significantly more likely to stay together long-term. Why? Because those gestures communicate value beyond the disagreement.

Jesus never forgets our value. Even in correction, His aim is restoration.

Conflict becomes holy ground when we remember who stands in front of us.

Preparing for the Coming Peace

Scripture promises a day when conflict will end.

Isaiah 35:1 speaks of the desert blossoming. Revelation 21 describes a world where tears are wiped away and death is no more. One day, misunderstandings will cease. Pride will be gone. All things will be made right.

Heavenly hope does not trivialize present conflict. It resizes it.

When we remember that perfect peace is coming, we can hold today’s disputes with humility. We can fight as those bound for reconciliation, not permanent division.

Ephesians 4:3 calls us to be “eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Notice the word maintain. Christ has already secured unity through His cross. We are invited to guard it.

Conflict, then, is not merely something to survive. It is training for eternity.

Every tense conversation is an opportunity to practice forgiveness.

Every disagreement is a chance to display gentleness.

Every clash of desires is an invitation to lay ours down for love.

The Peace Within and Ahead

We often measure peace by quiet rooms and smooth conversations. But biblical peace is deeper. It is wholeness restored under God’s reign.

Romans 5:1 declares that we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. That peace lives in us now through the Spirit. And it awaits us fully in the new heavens and new earth.

When conflict comes and it will we do not enter it alone. The Prince of Peace dwells within us.

So instead of asking, “How do I avoid this?” we can begin asking, “How can Christ be seen in this?”

Conflict is uncomfortable. It exposes our pride and tests our patience.

But in God’s hands, it becomes something far better than a battleground.

It becomes a workshop where He shapes us to look more like His Son.

If this reflection encouraged you to approach conflict differently, consider sharing it with someone navigating tension today or subscribe to our newsletter for more Christ-centered encouragement.