How to Overcome Selfishness

Selfishness is subtle.

It hides in good intentions. It disguises itself as confidence. It even sneaks into spiritual activity. And for a young believer especially one who genuinely wants to grow it can feel discouraging when people keep pointing it out.

If others close to you are saying, “You’re being selfish,” that’s painful. But it may also be a gift. Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” Not all criticism is accurate, but repeated feedback from people who love you is worth taking seriously.

Before anything else, find one mature Christian man a pastor, youth leader, or wise older believer who knows you personally. Invite him to speak honestly into your life. Colossians 3:16 calls us to “admonish one another in all wisdom.” You need someone close enough to see patterns and courageous enough to name them.

Now, let’s talk about the deeper battle.

Selfishness Is a Many-Headed Monster

Selfishness is not just laziness or obvious pride. It is far more complex.

You can be selfish by refusing to serve or by serving constantly so that others will praise you.

You can be selfish by dominating conversations or by staying quiet because you fear looking foolish.

You can even pray in a way that protects your image instead of exposing your need.

The human heart is remarkably skilled at turning everything toward itself. Jeremiah 17:9 reminds us that the heart is deceitful above all things. That includes your heart. And mine.

The fact that you are concerned about selfishness is a good sign. Spiritually dead people are not bothered by their self-centeredness. But being bothered is not the same as being free.

So how do you fight it?

Front One Face the Monster

The Bible does not treat sin casually. Colossians 3:5 says, “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you.” That includes selfish ambition and self-exalting desires.

This means you must:

• Call selfishness what it is sin.

• Refuse to excuse it.

• Ask God to expose it quickly.

• Confess it immediately when you see it.

When you notice yourself wanting attention, pause. When you feel irritated because someone else is being praised, examine that. When you serve but secretly crave recognition, name it before God.

Declare war on it.

But here’s something crucial: you are not trying to kill selfishness in order to earn God’s acceptance. If you are in Christ, you are already accepted. Second Corinthians 5:17 says you are a new creation. Selfishness is not your identity. It is an intruder.

That matters.

You fight not as someone trying to become loved, but as someone who already is loved.

Still, if you only attack selfishness directly, you will grow tired. Which brings us to the second and more powerful front.

Front Two Be So Full of Christ That Selfishness Suffocates

Imagine a jar filled with toxic fumes. You could try to suck the fumes out with a vacuum. Or you could pour clean water into the jar until the fumes are forced out.

That is how lasting change usually happens.

Selfishness thrives in a heart preoccupied with itself. It weakens in a heart captivated by Christ.

Philippians 3:8 is not theoretical for Paul. He says, “I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” He was not performing spirituality. He genuinely treasured Jesus more than reputation, status, or success.

The more Christ becomes precious to you, the less urgent your own image will feel.

Hebrews 12:3 says, “Consider him.” Think about Jesus. Study how He treated people. Notice how He washed feet. Observe how He endured misunderstanding without self-defense. Watch how He moved toward the needy rather than protecting His comfort.

The goal is not to imitate Him mechanically. The goal is to admire Him deeply.

Selfishness shrinks when worship grows.

This is a lifelong pursuit. It is not about hype or emotional intensity. It is about steady, daily exposure to who Christ is — in Scripture, in prayer, in reflection.

When you are amazed that your name is written in heaven (Luke 10:20), you feel less desperate for your name to be praised on earth.

What About Healthy Self-Love

Jesus commands us to love our neighbor “as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). That means there is a kind of proper self-love.

It is not ego. It is the desire for your own deepest and eternal joy.

You eat because you want life. You sleep because you want strength. You pursue Christ because you want eternal happiness. That is not sinful. It is natural.

The key question is this: Does your pursuit of happiness include others?

When you pursue success, do you want others to flourish too?

When you enjoy something good, do you desire to share it?

When you seek growth, do you want others to benefit from it?

Selfishness says, “I want good for me, even if it costs you.”

Love says, “I want good for me and I want it for you too.”

Christian maturity does not eliminate the desire for joy. It expands it.

Practical Steps for a Seventeen-Year-Old

Here are a few concrete ways to grow:

1. Ask for specific examples when someone says you are selfish. Not defensively curiously.

2. Practice asking questions before offering opinions in conversations.

3. Look for one hidden act of service each day that no one will notice.

4. Confess quickly when you fail.

5. Spend daily time considering Christ not just reading quickly, but reflecting.

Growth at seventeen will not be perfect. It will be uneven. But the direction matters more than the speed.

If you are willing to see your sin, fight it honestly, and fill your heart with Christ, you are already walking the right path.

Selfishness dies slowly. But it does die.

And as Christ becomes bigger in your vision, you will become freer not obsessed with yourself, not crushed by criticism, but quietly strong.

Keep considering Him.

If this encouraged you, share it with another young believer fighting the same battle or subscribe to our newsletter for more faith-centered guidance for real-life struggles.