Is It Possible to Love God Without Being Involved in Church?

When I first discovered the Church, I was captivated by its beauty. It felt like a place where God’s love and grace were palpable, where faith was lived out in community. I probably idealized the Church a bit, but it was all so new and exciting. Fast forward five years, and I find myself jaded and hurt, wondering if I can maintain a relationship with God while feeling increasingly distant from His people.

I’ve encountered a lot of Christian talk, but not enough Christian action. When articles pop up in my newsfeed about people being hurt and walking away from the Church, the common themes are that “the Church is full of broken people, so you should expect to get hurt” and “of course, there are hypocrites in the Church were all sinners.” These sentiments are true, but they often leave me feeling more disillusioned than comforted.

At one point, I even considered whether it was possible to have a relationship with God without having to deal with His people. We’re all broken, after all, and I was growing tired of being hurt by those who were supposed to love me. But my biggest frustration is that this state of affairs is treated as unchangeable. We seem to accept that the Church is a place where people get hurt, and that’s just the way it is.

But should it be?

The Challenge of Loving the Church

The Church is made up of each one of us, and if we’re not actively working to change the hurt and hypocrisy within it, we’re setting a pretty low bar for what it can be. I long for the Church to be a place where people can look and see Christ—where love, grace, and truth are more than just words, but are lived out in tangible ways.

To create my small bit of change, I’ve decided to do three things differently.

1. Be Vocal About Hurt

I used to think that keeping my hurt to myself was a way of being a “good Christian”—not making an issue out of something small. But I’ve realized that when I’m truly hurt or offended, it’s healthier to have a conversation about it. By avoiding the issue, unresolved feelings can turn into bitterness, leading to further disconnection and hurt.

I’m committed to open and honest connections with people. Pretending that everything is okay when it’s not only builds up lies and leads to more pain. Speaking up might be uncomfortable, but it’s a necessary step toward healing and deeper relationships.

2. Love People Directly

During a difficult time in my life, I kept hearing that people loved me and were asking about me. But no one was telling me directly that they loved me, nor were they reaching out to see how I was doing. It made me reflect on how often I “ask about” people rather than reaching out to them.

Asking a friend about someone else is quick and easy. It gives a sense of connection without requiring commitment. But it’s a false connection that the person in question never actually feels. When someone is going through a tough time, an honest, direct connection could be the encouragement they need.

3. Assume Less, Listen More

We all know the saying about what happens when you assume. When we assume we know what someone needs, we often make situations worse. One of the most caring things a friend said to me during a tough time was, “I don’t know how to act or what to say when you’re struggling, but I do want to be there for you. Let me know how I can do that better.”

Her honesty and humility were a breath of fresh air. She didn’t try to fix my problem or assume she knew what I needed. Instead, she offered her friendship and gave me space to express what would be helpful. That’s the model I want to follow. I want to stop assuming I know best and instead allow others the space to express their needs and feel loved in the process.

The Hope of a Better Church

Loving one another sacrificially is hard work. We can maintain the status quo and accept that people will get hurt, or we can challenge ourselves to act differently. It will take time and effort, but I still believe in the Church and the broken people within it. My idealistic views of the Church may be a little hardened, but I haven’t lost hope in God’s plan to use the Church for His glory.

Even in our brokenness, God can work through us to create a community that reflects His love. By being vocal about our hurts, loving people directly, and assuming less, we can contribute to a Church that not only speaks of love and grace but lives it out.

If you’ve been hurt by the Church, know that you’re not alone. And if you’re looking for ways to help the Church grow into the community God intends it to be, consider sharing this article with others or subscribing to our newsletter for more reflections on faith and community.