When Loving Someone Feels Hard

It was only a three-minute escape. But when your toddler is crying and pounding on the door for you, those three minutes in the bathroom feel like a breath of freedom. I love my little one with all my heart, but in the thick of tantrums and neediness, even the most precious people can be difficult to love.

And that’s not just true for toddlers.

Difficult people are everywhere and we all have them. A backstabbing coworker. A passive-aggressive friend. A critical in-law. A demanding boss. A family member who just knows how to push every button. Or maybe it’s someone in your church or ministry who constantly complains, second-guesses, or stirs up conflict.

So how do we live with and more importantly, love difficult people?

Difficult People Are Nothing New

Moses knew what it was like to lead difficult people. After delivering the Israelites from slavery, his reward was grumbling, rebellion, and even betrayal. They complained about food (Numbers 11:4–6), water (Numbers 20:2–3), and leadership (Numbers 14:2–4). Even his own family criticized him (Numbers 12:1–2).

And yet instead of turning his back on them Moses prayed for them. Over and over again, he interceded for those who criticized and rejected him. He pleaded for Miriam when God struck her with leprosy (Numbers 12:13). He begged God to forgive Israel’s unbelief (Numbers 14:19). He fasted and prayed when they built the golden calf (Deuteronomy 9:13–18). He loved them not just in theory but with costly compassion.

In moments of despair, Moses still persevered by God’s grace. He kept leading, kept praying, and kept showing up even when it would’ve been easier to walk away.

And we’re called to do the same.

The Call to Keep Loving

God doesn’t command us to love only those who are easy to love. In fact, Jesus tells us to do the opposite:

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Matthew 5:44
“Bear with each other and forgive one another... Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13

The goal isn’t just peace it’s to reflect Christ, who loved us when we were unlovable (Romans 5:8).

But what does that look like practically?

Six Practical Ways to Love a Difficult Person

1. Pray for Your Own Heart

Start here. Ask God to soften your heart. Pray for patience, compassion, and humility. Ask Him to help you see the person not just as a problem, but as someone He dearly loves. Let the Spirit do the deep work of replacing frustration with mercy.

“Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12

2. Pray for Them

Not just “God, change them,” but “God, bless them.” Ask God to work in their life to heal, convict, guide, and save. Interceding for someone else has a mysterious way of softening our own hearts and aligning us with God’s.

“I thank my God every time I remember you... And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more.” Philippians 1:3, 9

3. Move Toward Them, Not Away

Avoidance is easy but it’s not love. Instead of keeping your distance, take steps toward them. Invite them to talk. Sit with them. Ask questions. Love takes initiative even when it’s hard.

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.” Romans 12:20

4. Look for Ways to Encourage

Find something anything to affirm. It might be small, but it matters. Write a kind note. Text them that you’re praying for them. Buy them coffee. Encouragement breaks down walls where criticism builds them.

“Encourage one another and build each other up.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

5. Give the Grace You’ve Been Given

We often want justice for others but grace for ourselves. But God calls us to treat others the way He treats us with generous, undeserved mercy.

“Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13
“Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Luke 6:36

6. Remember You Might Be the Difficult Person

Ouch. But it’s true. Someone out there might be praying for grace to love you. We all have blind spots. Don’t assume you’re always the victim be open to correction and aware of your own weaknesses.

“Why do you see the speck in your brother’s eye, but fail to notice the log in your own?” Matthew 7:3

When Love Gets Hard

You may not see results. That person may never change. But in loving them, you will change. Your heart will be shaped more into the likeness of Christ.

So when that difficult coworker grates on your nerves, when your child pushes you to the edge, or when your family member once again tests your limits don’t run. Don’t harden. Don’t lash out.

Ask God for grace to keep loving. Keep showing up. Keep praying.

Christ loved you when you were His enemy. And now, by His Spirit, He empowers you to love those who are hardest to love.

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