To the Man Who Wants to Be a Husband

A few months into marriage, I realized I had studied for the wrong test.

Despite the daily devotions, small group discussions, and premarital counseling, I was caught off guard by the actual work of marriage. Arguments surfaced. Tension grew. I didn’t know how to lead spiritually, reconcile well, or even speak with grace. At one point, our counselor quoted Galatians 5:15 “If you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.” We were dangerously close.

I’ve since seen this story repeat itself in many Christian marriages. Too often, godly women long for marriage-ready men, and sincere Christian men don’t know how to prepare. If I could go back and speak to my unmarried self, I’d offer this: Prepare by pursuing God above all else and intentionally grow as a leader, provider, and protector.

1. Pursue God Above All Else

The foundation of marriage preparation isn’t relational skills or romantic gestures it’s worship. No pursuit is more essential than regularly encountering the living God through His Word.

“Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable” (Psalm 145:3). When men are captured by God's greatness, their lives start to orbit around His glory, not their desires.

But it’s easy to treat Bible reading like a task to complete instead of a Person to encounter. So don’t rush. Slow down. Meditate. Linger over truth until it stirs something in you. As Psalm 1:2 says, “His delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.”

Ask God each day to show you something wonderful: “Open my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of your law” (Psalm 119:18). When He answers, stop and savor it.

2. Grow as a Leader

Ephesians 5:23 calls husbands to lead like Christ: “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church.” Christ leads with sacrifice, humility, and initiative not arrogance or passivity.

But you don’t have to wait until marriage to begin leading. Begin by initiating in your church, home, and friendships. Step toward people instead of waiting to be approached. Invite feedback from friends who will challenge you. If you lean toward passivity, practice hospitality or service. If pride is your struggle, ask others to show you where you can grow.

Leadership isn’t dominance; it’s humble responsibility. It’s the daily work of putting others ahead of yourself starting now.

3. Grow as a Provider

A godly man takes ownership for the provision of his future home. Paul says, “He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it” (Ephesians 5:28–29).

Provision isn’t just financial though that matters. It’s about ensuring the emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of a family are met. That begins now. Why do you work? Is it just to fund comfort or image? Or do you see your work as a way to serve God and others?

Prepare by embracing diligence, self-control, and generosity in your current life not just dreaming about what you’ll do when you’re married.

4. Grow as a Protector

Christ protected His bride by absorbing the wrath of God at the cross (Ephesians 5:25). He bore danger so we could be safe.

Men must learn to do the same. Protection isn’t about machismo; it’s about courage the willingness to step toward discomfort to shield others. That might mean defending someone who’s being slandered, speaking up for truth at personal cost, or sharing the gospel despite awkwardness or rejection.

Look for ways to stand in the gap now, especially when it’s hard.

And remember: the greatest danger anyone faces is eternal separation from God. Spiritual protection calling others to repentance and faith is the highest form of care.

5. Learn from a Godly Husband

Don’t prepare alone. Seek out a man whose life and marriage you respect. Ask questions. Watch how he leads, loves, and serves. Let his experience shape your preparation (1 Corinthians 11:1).

Godly husbands aren’t born; they’re built. And that building takes time, effort, and intentionality. If you’re single and hope to marry, prepare now. Pursue Christ deeply. Cultivate character and responsibility. And trust God to lead you in His timing.

Because being “ready” for marriage isn’t about being perfect it’s about becoming a man of godly purpose.

Share this with someone preparing for marriage, or subscribe to our newsletter for more biblical encouragement every week.