A Message to Mothers Struggling with Regret

It’s the end of the day, and as you kiss your kids goodnight, the weight of regret settles in. You replay the events: the sharp responses, the moments spent scrolling through your phone instead of engaging with your children, or perhaps the outburst of anger. You wonder, Will they remember my failures? Have I scarred them? Is God disappointed in me?

Moms are no strangers to guilt and regret. Sometimes that guilt stems from real sins we’ve committed against our children. Other times, it comes from the pressure of unrealistic, self-imposed expectations. Whether our guilt is genuine or imagined, the question remains: Where can we go with all our mom-guilt and regret?

The Psalms offer comfort and wisdom in these moments. These ancient songs express every emotion from joy and praise to sorrow and regret and they remind us that God cares deeply about every part of our story. He meets us right where we are, offering grace and guidance in our moments of deepest failure.

Dealing with Regret Like David

Living in a fallen world means that regret is inevitable, especially for moms. Psalm 51 provides a powerful example of how to handle guilt when that regret is the result of real sin. In this Psalm, David pours out his heart to God after his grievous sins of adultery and murder. David’s regret was legitimate, and he doesn’t shy away from confessing his sin before God. His response gives us a blueprint for dealing with our own failings.

The most important step David takes is his first one: he turns to God. When we sin, it’s tempting to withdraw from God, feeling too ashamed to come before Him. But Psalm 145:8 reminds us that our God is “gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.” He delights in forgiving and restoring His children. Pulling away from Him only leads to more regret, but running to Him brings life.

David also models honest confession. He acknowledges his sin openly, asking God to cleanse and renew him (Psalm 51:7–12). This step is crucial. When we avoid confession, our guilt weighs us down (Psalm 32:3–4). But when we come to God with repentant hearts, we receive the forgiveness He freely offers through Christ. We don’t have to carry our sins and regrets; we can lay them at the foot of the cross and move forward in grace.

Two Types of Guilt

When our regret stems from sin, we know what to do: confess, repent, and trust in Christ’s finished work. But what about the guilt that doesn’t come from sin—when we just feel like we didn’t do enough or fell short as mothers? This is where it can get tricky.

Some guilt is clearly tied to sin. The Bible speaks directly to behaviors like outbursts of anger, selfishness, and harsh words (Ephesians 4:31–32; Philippians 2:3–4). If our guilt is a result of these kinds of sinful actions, we must confess them and ask God for His help to grow. But sometimes, what feels like guilt isn’t tied to a specific sin. It might simply be the result of our human limitations. Maybe we’re exhausted and feel like we didn’t engage enough with our kids. Maybe we’re overwhelmed by life and missed a moment to be more present.

In these situations, it’s important to distinguish between sin and our natural limitations. Psalm 131 offers a beautiful reminder of how to rest in God’s care: “I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother.” We don’t have to carry the weight of perfection. God holds our children in His hands, just as He holds us.

Even when we struggle to understand whether our guilt is rooted in sin or simply our limitations, the answer remains the same: We have an Advocate in Jesus (1 John 2:1). Whether we’ve sinned or simply feel like we’ve failed, our standing before God is secure. Christ’s work on the cross has already paid for our sins and shortcomings. We can trust that God’s grace covers all our imperfections.

Finished and Free

Many moms struggle with the pressure to do everything perfectly. We want to follow all the rules, never disappoint anyone, and always get it right. But this is where we must remind ourselves of a powerful truth: our identity is secure in Christ. If we trust in Jesus, He has already finished the work for us.

Any striving we do now is done out of love and obedience, not to earn our standing before God. When we sin, Christ has already paid for it. When we disappoint others, it doesn’t mean we’ve disappointed God. When we make mistakes, He doesn’t condemn us. Regret doesn’t have to hold us captive because the resurrected Christ has already declared, “It is finished” (John 19:30).

This truth frees us from the burden of perfectionism. We can walk in freedom, knowing that even when we fall short, God’s mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22–23). In our home, we often remind each other, “Tomorrow brings new mercies and new opportunities to obey.” When today’s failures weigh heavy, tomorrow holds fresh grace.

A Path Forward

Moms, regret doesn’t have the final word over your life Christ does. He invites you to bring your guilt and regret to Him, where you’ll find forgiveness, healing, and strength for the days ahead. When we sin, we can confess and move forward in grace. When we feel like we haven’t measured up, we can rest in the knowledge that God is holding our children and working in their lives.

Your worth is not tied to your performance as a mom, and your failures do not define you. The same God who began a good work in you will bring it to completion (Philippians 1:6). So take heart, and trust in the One who holds your past, your present, and your future. You are loved, forgiven, and free to walk in newness of life today and every day after.

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