Paralyzed but Full of Grace

When pain shakes me awake in the night, I look up and check the glowing clock display on the ceiling. If it’s still early, I try to breathe through the pain and fall back asleep. But if it’s 4:00 a.m., I smile. Jesus has awakened me for communion with him, even though it will still be hours before I’m lifted into my wheelchair.

Do I need sleep? Yes. Will the pain vanish? Unlikely. But at that hour, I have a more necessary joy to meet with Jesus. I fill my thoughts with him murmuring Scripture, whisper-singing hymns, and delighting in his presence.

This isn’t easy. I lie there paralyzed, surrounded by tubes, a ventilator, pillows, and hospital railings that hold my body together. Yet in the stillness of the night, he meets me. One of my helpers once read Psalm 119:147–148 over me “I rise before dawn and cry for help; I hope in your words.
My eyes are awake before the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promise.”

When the morning comes and my caregivers ask, “Sleep well?” I often answer, “Not the best but I am so happy.”

The Blessings That Bruise

Real happiness is elusive. Many of us measure blessings by comfort job promotions, sunny weather, a favorable diagnosis. But are these the blessings Jesus values most?

The blessings he spoke of in the Sermon on the Mount are startling: poverty of spirit, mourning, hunger for righteousness, and even persecution (Matthew 5:3–12). These are not the things we naturally seek, but they are the moments when our hearts are most open to God’s grace.

I often say I am the most blessed quadriplegic in the world not because of material comforts or accomplishments, but because Jesus has used suffering to draw me closer to himself.

When Suffering Becomes a Gift

Peter writes, “Even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed” (1 Peter 3:14). It is in suffering that we often encounter the depth of Christ’s heart. Horatius Bonar once said, “Our own emptiness and God’s manifold fullness are brought before us so vividly that the longings of our inmost souls are kindled, and our heart crieth out for God.”

Suffering teaches us obedience. David understood this when he said, “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word” (Psalm 119:67). Affliction pushes us through the gate of obedience, right into the Shepherd’s arms.

Loving and Obeying

Jesus said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15). This isn’t a burden but a promise: when our hearts delight in Christ, obedience flows naturally. As Psalm 1 describes, the blessed person is the one who delights in the law of the Lord and meditates on it day and night.

Affliction sharpens this delight. David could say, “It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes” (Psalm 119:71). Obedience becomes not just duty but joy and that joy deepens our intimacy with Christ.

The Sweetness of His Presence

Jesus promises, “Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him” (John 14:21). Obedience is the doorway to deeper revelation of who Christ is.

In my own quiet hours before dawn, I often meditate on his majesty the one who spoke stars into being, who carved out mountains, and who holds all things together by the word of his power (Hebrews 1:3; Colossians 1:17).

Even more astonishing is that this same Creator chose the cross sustaining the very breath of those who nailed him to it. He not only endured the agony of crucifixion but bore the weight of our sin, so that we could become the beloved of God (Psalm 17:8).

Who Will Have Your Heart?

If you long for divine fullness, don’t run from affliction. Let it drive you deeper into Christ. He has given us everything creation, redemption, and eternal life. Can we not give him our hearts in return?

When the world says blessings are wealth or success, Jesus says true blessing is found in knowing him, obeying him, and finding joy even in suffering.

So when the night is long, I pray that my heart and yours beats with this truth we are blessed, not when life gives us everything we want, but when every part of us is going after God.

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