Talking to Your Kids About Porn Is Not Optional

We are raising children in the most sexualized culture in history.

Though ancient civilizations indulged in sexual imagery and exploitation, today's digital world places explicit material at our children's fingertips, often without them even seeking it. Smartphones, social media, and streaming services offer instant access to what past generations could only imagine. According to a recent Barna study, the average age of first exposure to pornography is now just 11 years old. Nearly 70% of teens say they have encountered pornography accidentally, and over half of boys under 18 view it regularly.

The implications for parenting in this age are profound.

But the issue is not just access it's silence. Parents often feel unequipped, uncomfortable, or uncertain about how to speak to their kids about sex, temptation, and pornography. Yet the danger of silence is immense. As the world boldly disciples our children in sexual confusion and exploitation, the Church must rise with clarity, compassion, and conviction.

Nearly three millennia ago, Solomon spoke candidly to his sons about sexual temptation, not with shame but with urgency and hope. His words in Proverbs still echo with wisdom today. The following nine principles draw from that ancient wisdom to help Christian parents navigate the daunting yet vital “porn talk.”

1. Cultivate the Conversation

Solomon doesn’t shy away from the topic he revisits it multiple times across the first chapters of Proverbs. He models what we must do today: speak early, speak often, and speak wisely.

Talking about sex, beauty, and temptation should become as normal as talking about school or sports. By setting a tone of open, judgment-free conversation, parents build trust that becomes a refuge when their children face confusion or shame.

Age-appropriate honesty is key. With young kids, start by celebrating God's design for bodies and privacy. As they grow, incorporate God’s purposes for sex, the distortions of pornography, and the emotional and spiritual implications of sexual sin. Read the Bible together—Scripture naturally provides countless opportunities to talk about temptation, desire, and grace.

2. Encourage Honesty

Shame is one of the most powerful tools of the enemy. It causes children to hide, even from those who love them most. Wise parents must actively dismantle this shame culture.

Ask gentle questions: Have you seen anything online that made you feel weird or confused? Has anyone ever tried to show you something you didn’t want to see? Do you know what to do if that happens again?

And if they confess even if the content was explicit resist the urge to panic. Thank them for being honest. Remind them they are not alone. Pray with them. Let them know that your love is unwavering and that Jesus forgives and restores.

3. Guide Their Curiosity

God designed children to be curious. That curiosity isn’t bad it’s sacred. But in a fallen world, Satan exploits it.

Early exposure to pornography warps the brain and reprograms affections. It confuses identity and distorts love. Instead of telling children “Don’t look,” teach them why they’re drawn to beauty and intimacy. Point them to the Creator who made beauty as a reflection of Himself (Psalm 27:4).

Ask questions like: Why do you think that ad or image caught your attention? Then, explain how Satan takes good gifts like beauty and twists them into tools of destruction. Use teachable moments in daily life to show that curiosity must be guided, not shamed.

4. Warn of Danger

Pornography is not harmless entertainment. It’s satanic discipleship.

It rewires brains to view people as objects and normalizes sexual sin. Solomon describes the cost vividly: it steals honor, joy, health, and even life itself (Proverbs 5:7–14; 6:32–33). The road of repeated sin leads to enslavement: “The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin” (Proverbs 5:22).

Children need to hear this. Not to be frightened into obedience, but to see sin for what it truly is: a predator.

Share your own battles. Tell them about David and Bathsheba, about the scars and the mercy. Show them the gravity but also the grace.

5. Woo with Desire

Children don’t just need “don’ts” they need a greater “yes.” Solomon invites his son to be “intoxicated” with the love of his wife (Proverbs 5:18–19). Scripture isn’t shy about pleasure in the context of covenant.

Parents should not avoid the topic of sexual enjoyment. Talk about God’s design for intimacy within marriage, for joy, unity, and even worship. Explain that orgasms, affection, and romantic longing are good gifts when stewarded rightly.

But go further: help your children understand that the ultimate longing beneath every sexual craving is for God Himself. As Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8). He is the deepest delight.

6. Model the Way

You cannot disciple your children into holiness if you aren’t walking that road yourself.

Guard your own eyes. Screen your own content. Set filters not just for them, but for you. Let your phone be “lame” if it means it honors Christ. Let your kids see you walk away from temptation, from suggestive shows, from risky apps.

Review music lyrics and screen time habits together. Create a culture where holiness is normal not because you’re afraid of hell, but because you love Jesus. As Charles Spurgeon once said, “Train up a child in the way he should go but be sure to go that way yourself.”

7. Put Up Protections

The digital world is engineered to entice. But parents can take practical steps to slow the tide.

Use tools like DNS filters, Bark, Covenant Eyes, or other monitoring software. Disable browsers on gaming consoles. Require permission before new apps are downloaded. Set timers and review histories. Make protection a team effort ask your kids to help make the system better.

These guardrails won’t guarantee purity, but they do reinforce the importance of vigilance. Technology is a battlefield, and your home should be fortified.

8. Encourage Otherness

Your child will feel different and that’s okay.

In a world obsessed with conformity, following Jesus will cost them popularity, social currency, and sometimes friends. They won’t be able to watch the shows their peers talk about. They may miss sleepovers or be excluded from group chats. They’ll be “other” and it will hurt.

But you must help them see that this otherness is part of discipleship. The narrow road is never crowded (Matthew 7:13–14). Teach them that holiness is worth it. Share your own sacrifices. Let them see the beauty of standing with Christ, even when the crowd walks the other way.

Show them the gift of the church where they can find true friends, mentors, and the strength to endure.

9. Give Them Jesus

No matter how vigilant you are, your child will encounter pornography statistically, it’s almost guaranteed. But the answer isn’t panic it’s Jesus.

When they fall, or when they’re wounded by what they’ve seen, point them to the One who bore shame so they wouldn’t have to. Create a home where confession is met with grace, not condemnation. Where healing is possible, and repentance is real.

One mother did just that when she found porn in her daughter’s search history. Instead of reacting in anger, she knocked on the door, sat beside her, listened, wept, prayed, and walked forward in grace. That’s what gospel-centered parenting looks like in a pornified world.

Jesus died for these moments for the sin, the fear, the brokenness, and the battle. He rose to prove that no chain is unbreakable. Let that be your family's hope.

This world is pornographic. But the gospel is more powerful. And Jesus is more beautiful.

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