When You Regret the Day You Were Born

There are moments in life when pain presses so hard against the soul that the only words that rise up are these “I wish I had never been born.”

Chronic illness. Crippling loss. Emotional exhaustion that refuses to lift. The kind of suffering that lingers month after month, year after year. In those moments, faith can feel fragile, and heaven can feel silent.

If you have ever looked up at God and felt that thought forming in your heart, you are not alone. The prophet Jeremiah once cried out, “Cursed be the day on which I was born!” (Jeremiah 20:14). Even in Scripture, we see men and women wrestling with despair so deep that they questioned their own existence.

But here is the tension many believers feel: Is that kind of lament sinful? Does expressing such anguish dishonor God? Where is the line between faithful lament and sinful complaint?

This question matters. Because how we understand biblical lament shapes how we survive seasons of suffering.

Understanding Biblical Lament

The Bible is filled with lament. Nearly one-third of the Psalms are considered laments. That means God did not shy away from preserving raw cries of pain in His Word. He wanted us to see them. He wanted us to have language for grief.

Yet there is a distinction the Bible makes clear. There is holy lament. And there is sinful accusation.

Holy lament grieves before God. Sinful complaint indicts God.

That line can feel thin when emotions are overwhelming. So let us walk carefully through what Scripture teaches.

It Is Never Right to Accuse God of Wrongdoing

The foundation of biblical lament begins here: God is never wrong.

Deuteronomy 32:4 declares, “The Rock, his work is perfect, for all his ways are justice.” Daniel 4:37 says, “All his works are right and his ways are just.” First John 1:5 reminds us that “God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.”

If God is perfectly holy, perfectly wise, and perfectly good, then to accuse Him of wrongdoing is to step into error.

This is why the book of Job is so instructive. In his agony, Job said things about God that crossed a line. At times he implied that God was treating him unjustly. But at the end of the story, when Job encountered the majesty of God, he responded with repentance: “I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes” (Job 42:6).

Scripture does not hide Job’s words. It records them honestly. But it does not commend his accusations.

Even Jeremiah’s cry in Jeremiah 20:14 “Cursed be the day on which I was born!” must be read in context. Earlier, in Jeremiah 1:5, God had declared, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.” Jeremiah’s birth was not random. It was God’s purposeful design.

To curse the day of one’s birth is, in some sense, to question the wisdom of God’s creative plan.

And yet, the Bible records Jeremiah’s words without deleting them. Why? Because Scripture is truthful about human frailty. It shows us both the faith and the failure of God’s servants.

Perplexity Is Not the Same as Rebellion

Here is where many believers need relief: It is not sinful to be confused by God.

Consider Mary in Luke 1. When the angel told her she would bear the Son of God, she asked, “How can this be?” Her question was not unbelief. It was humble perplexity. And God graciously answered her.

There is a world of difference between saying, “God, you are wrong,” and saying, “God, I do not understand.”

Psalm 13 begins with, “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?” That is not blasphemy. It is anguish reaching upward.

You may say, “Lord, this hurts.” You may say, “Please take this away.” The apostle Paul did exactly that in 2 Corinthians 12 when he pleaded three times for the removal of his thorn in the flesh. God did not rebuke Paul for asking. Instead, He responded with grace: “My grace is sufficient for you.”

Honest pain is not a threat to faith. It can actually draw us closer to God when we bring it to Him instead of turning away.

Does Lament Deepen Faith or Endanger It

The answer depends on the posture of the heart.

Research consistently shows that chronic illness affects not only the body but the soul. Studies indicate that individuals living with long-term illness are significantly more likely to experience depression and spiritual struggle. That is not surprising. Ongoing suffering tests the foundations of belief.

But struggle itself is not unbelief.

Lament, when practiced biblically, keeps the conversation with God open. It refuses to walk away. It says, “I do not understand You, but I am still speaking to You.”

That is faith fighting to breathe.

The danger comes when lament shifts into settled accusation—when we move from sorrow to declaring that God has failed, erred, or acted unjustly.

One posture wrestles. The other condemns.

God Forgives the Words We Regret

There is another important truth: criticizing God is not the unforgivable sin.

If it were, who among us would stand?

Job found mercy. Peter, who denied Christ, found restoration. The cross of Jesus Christ covers not only our outward sins but the sinful thoughts and words spoken in anguish.

When we repent, when we say, “Lord, I spoke wrongly of You,” He does not turn away. First John 1:9 assures us that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive.

That means even if you have whispered in the night, “I wish I had never been born,” there is grace available.

The very fact that you are concerned about dishonoring God reveals that His Spirit is at work in you.

How to Grieve Faithfully

So how can you express deep sorrow without doubting God’s goodness?

First, anchor yourself in what is objectively true about God before you articulate what you feel. Remind yourself that He is just, wise, and loving even if your emotions lag behind that truth.

Second, bring your pain directly to Him. Say, “Father, this illness is exhausting. This loneliness feels crushing. I do not understand why this is my story.” That is biblical lament.

Third, end where many Psalms end with trust. Not forced cheerfulness. Not denial. But a decision to cling to who God is. Psalm 13 ends with, “But I have trusted in your steadfast love.”

Lament often begins in confusion and ends in surrender.

Timing Matters

There is also wisdom in when and how we teach these truths.

When someone is freshly shattered by tragedy, that is not the moment for theological lectures. It is the moment for tears, presence, and quiet prayer. Romans 12:15 tells us to weep with those who weep.

The time to learn the theology of lament is in calmer seasons, so that when suffering comes as it inevitably does we have categories to process it.

Jesus Himself warned that in this world we would have trouble (John 16:33). Studies show that nearly 70 percent of adults will experience at least one traumatic event in their lifetime. Suffering is not rare. It is part of the human condition in a fallen world.

But so is hope.

Your Existence Is Not a Mistake

If you are wrestling with regret over your own birth, hear this clearly: your existence was not an accident.

Psalm 139 declares that God knit you together in your mother’s womb. Acts 17 says He determined the exact times and places in which we should live.

Your life, even with its pain, fits within His sovereign design.

That does not mean your suffering is small. It means it is not meaningless.

When Jeremiah cursed the day of his birth, that was not the final word over his life. God continued to use him. God preserved his words in Scripture. God’s purpose did not unravel because of a moment of despair.

And neither will yours.

You can grieve. You can cry. You can say, “Lord, this hurts more than I know how to bear.” But do not let sorrow convince you that your Creator made a mistake in making you.

He did not.

If this encouraged you, consider sharing it with someone who may be quietly struggling, or subscribe to our newsletter to receive more biblical encouragement.