Marriage Is Not What You Think

We stepped into marriage with hearts full of dreams. We saw the fairytale moments weddings, honeymoon bliss, shared laughter. But no one warned us about the everyday reality: sharing space, negotiating quirks, managing emotions.

Now, after ten years together and as a counselor working with couples, I want to share five truths I wish someone had told me before walking down the aisle.

1. Conflict doesn’t mean your marriage is failing

Early on, we wrongly equated marital peace with absence of conflict. But no fighting can sometimes mean avoiding pain not healing it. Real conflict, handled with humility and honesty, can become the pressure that strengthens trust and intimacy.

2. Sex is meaningful, but more mundane matters define marriage

Sex is a gift intimate and connecting. But most of marriage is unremarkable: dishes, bills, shared schedules. Loving each other in laundry moments requires devotion far beyond romantic evenings.

3. You never outgrow sharing

You thought preschool taught you to share. Marriage reintroduces it: the house, the bank account, the bed, even the bathroom mirror. Every sacrifice shows the other person they’re never alone and builds real unity.

4. There will be moments when you feel like walking away

Expect it and don’t panic. When forgiving feels impossible, that’s not a sign of doomed love, but of your limits. It's the moment to ask for help from God, from each other, from safe community.

5. Marriage is not your ultimate purpose

In some church cultures, marriage is spoken of as the pinnacle. But “I do” is just a chapter, not the conclusion. Your purpose transcends roles of spouse and parent. When God and eternity become your anchor, marriage flourishes rather than suffocates.

Marriage Is a Classroom

These truths aren’t warnings they’re invitations. Invitations to grow deeper, serve sacrificially, love courageously, and see beyond the horizon of everyday life.

If this spoke to you, share it or subscribe to our newsletter for more honest insights about marriage and faith.