The Other Side of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is central to the Christian faith. Jesus’s words in Matthew 6:14-15 make it clear: "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Yet, while forgiveness is essential, it is often deeply challenging. Many of us wrestle with the complex emotions that arise when we are hurt, and it can feel impossible to move forward.

But what if there is more to forgiveness than simply saying, "I forgive you"? What if the process involves understanding the deeper impact of forgiveness, not only on the person who wronged us but on ourselves? The journey to forgiveness is not just about releasing the offender from their wrongdoing—it’s also about finding peace, healing, and freedom in Christ.

Forgiveness as a Command, Not an Option

The Bible teaches that forgiveness is not optional for believers. We are called to forgive as we have been forgiven. In Colossians 3:13, we read, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” The forgiveness that we extend to others is meant to mirror the grace and mercy God extends to us.

But here’s the hard truth: forgiving others doesn’t mean that our pain automatically disappears. It doesn’t mean that trust is immediately restored, or that the relationship returns to what it was before. Forgiveness does not equate to ignoring the hurt or pretending everything is fine. Instead, it is an intentional decision to let go of the right to seek revenge or hold onto bitterness.

The Challenge of Forgiving Without Forgetting

The phrase "forgive and forget" is often thrown around in conversations about forgiveness, but the reality is much more complex. While God, in His perfect love, chooses to "remember our sins no more" (Hebrews 8:12), we, as humans, often carry the memories of past hurts long after the act of forgiveness. This can create an internal tension as we work through both the decision to forgive and the emotional process that follows.

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean we will no longer feel the pain of what was done. It’s important to acknowledge this because many people feel guilt or frustration when negative feelings resurface after they’ve chosen to forgive. This is where the ongoing work of healing comes into play. Forgiveness is not a one-time event; it is often a daily choice to surrender the pain to God and allow Him to work on our hearts.

According to research published by the John Templeton Foundation, individuals who practice forgiveness experience lower levels of stress and anxiety, and higher levels of overall life satisfaction. These findings align with the biblical principle that letting go of bitterness frees us from the emotional burdens that can weigh us down.

Forgiveness as a Path to Freedom

When we hold onto anger or refuse to forgive, it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. Bitterness and unforgiveness do not harm the offender as much as they harm the one holding onto them. In Ephesians 4:31-32, Paul instructs, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger... Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

True forgiveness frees us from the chains of bitterness and resentment. It allows us to move forward without carrying the weight of the past. In choosing to forgive, we are not saying that what happened was okay, nor are we minimizing the offense. Instead, we are choosing to hand the situation over to God, trusting Him to bring justice and healing in His timing.

The Flip Side of Forgiveness: Boundaries and Wisdom

While forgiveness is crucial, it does not mean that we are called to remain in harmful or abusive situations. Forgiveness and boundaries can coexist. Forgiving someone does not require us to allow them continued access to our lives, especially if they are unrepentant or pose a danger to our emotional, physical, or spiritual well-being.

Jesus tells His disciples to forgive "seventy times seven" (Matthew 18:22), emphasizing the importance of a heart ready to forgive. However, wisdom and discernment are necessary when it comes to rebuilding trust or determining whether reconciliation is possible or safe. Sometimes, the healthiest and most God-honoring choice is to forgive from a distance, while maintaining boundaries that protect us from further harm.

Healing Through Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a powerful tool that God uses to heal not only relationships but also our own hearts. When we forgive, we align ourselves with God's will, and He begins to work in us, healing the wounds that were caused by the offense. This process can take time, and it often involves prayer, support from trusted friends, and a deep reliance on the Holy Spirit.

We must remember that Jesus Himself modeled forgiveness in the most extreme circumstances. While hanging on the cross, He looked at those who were mocking and crucifying Him and said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). If Jesus, who was without sin, could forgive those who caused His suffering, how much more are we called to forgive those who have wronged us?

Conclusion

Forgiveness is not easy, but it is essential for our spiritual health and growth. It is a decision that leads to freedom—freedom from bitterness, anger, and the weight of the past. As we forgive, we reflect the heart of Christ, who forgave us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8).

If you are struggling to forgive, take heart. You don’t have to do it alone. Ask God for the strength and grace to forgive, and trust that He will guide you through the process. Consider sharing this message with others who may be in need of encouragement, or subscribe to our newsletter for more insights on living out the gospel in everyday life.