The Qualities of a True Friend

What makes a true friend? The question seems simple, but its answer reaches far deeper than casual companionship or shared interests. As Christians, we understand that friendship carries eternal weight because all relationships exist under the lordship of Christ. At its core, friendship is not simply about common ground or mutual benefit it’s about shared love for the highest good: God Himself.

A listener recently summarized it this way: True friendship is determined by how much of Christ we see in one another and how closely we can labor together to reflect Christ to the world. That vision elevates friendship far beyond temporary enjoyment or surface-level connection. And it aligns deeply with both Old and New Testament truths.

Let’s explore how Scripture defines true friendship and why it matters so much.

Friendship in the Old Testament: Nearness and Loyalty

In the Old Testament, the word friend often overlaps with neighbor. The Hebrew word re’ah is used interchangeably to describe both. This indicates that, for ancient Israel, friendship was rooted in proximity those who shared life circumstances, neighborhoods, or vocations. Yet, within that broad category, we see a deeper picture emerge.

Consider these Proverbs:

• Proverbs 27:9: “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.”

• Proverbs 27:6: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”

• Proverbs 18:24: “There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

• Proverbs 17:17: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

These verses reveal key traits of true friendship: earnest counsel, faithfulness even in correction, steadfast presence in hardship, and unconditional love. While the Hebrew vocabulary lacked a specific word distinct from neighbor, the reality of friendship was deeply relational not merely about closeness, but about loyalty, wisdom, and care.

Even in a God-centered society like Old Testament Israel, friendships were meant to serve a greater purpose: to encourage one another in faithfulness to God. If a friend led someone away from God, that person was no longer a true friend but an enemy of the soul.

Friendship in the New Testament: Love at the Center

When we turn to the New Testament, the vocabulary sharpens. The Greek word philos (from which we get Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love) emphasizes the affectional core of friendship. While neighbor refers to proximity (plēsion), friend speaks of shared love.

In James 2:23, Abraham is called “the friend of God.” In the Old Testament (Isaiah 41:8), the same concept is expressed with the Hebrew word for love (’āhaḇ), highlighting that friendship is deeply connected to affection, not mere association.

Friendship, then, becomes a form of covenantal love a love that remains constant, sacrificial, and selfless. A friend is one who loves at all times and helps point us toward God, even when correction is needed. John 15:13 records Jesus’s own words “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”

Friendship as a Spiritual Partnership

At its highest, Christian friendship serves an eternal purpose. True friends not only enjoy each other’s company but encourage one another toward Christlikeness. Hebrews 10:24-25 exhorts believers to “consider how to stir up one another to love and good works.”

• They offer wise counsel, rooted in Scripture.

• They lovingly confront sin for each other’s good.

• They share both burdens and joys.

• They walk together through seasons of suffering and celebration.

• They labor side by side in ministry and mission.

Even the apostle Paul rarely ministered alone. He traveled with companions like Barnabas, Silas, Timothy, and Luke. The early church understood that isolation was dangerous. Friendship was never just optional it was vital for perseverance in faith.

The Purpose and Beauty of True Friendship

The ultimate purpose of friendship, like every other relationship in the Christian life, is to magnify the glory of Christ. As the listener rightly said, our best friends are those whose lives are all about Christ and whose presence helps us see and savor Him more.

This raises the standard for how we think about all friendships:

• Are we drawn to friends who strengthen our faith or weaken it?

• Do our conversations stir our affections for Christ?

• Do our relationships reflect sacrificial love and gospel-centered purpose?

Friendship isn’t measured by shared hobbies or mutual interests but by shared pursuit of the One who is the source of all true joy.

Live for Eternal Friendship

The friendships that endure into eternity are those grounded in Christ. In heaven, we will not celebrate celebrity or popularity. We will join as brothers and sisters in perfect communion with God and one another, free from selfish ambition, united fully in worship.

In the meantime, let us treasure the friends God gives us who sharpen our souls and point us toward our true home. As Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

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