When Love Tells You the Hard Truth

It came late one evening not the kind of call anyone expects, but one that would leave a lasting mark.

“Jon! Where were you tonight? Are you okay?”

The voice on the other end was Monty Sholund, a retired missionary and founder of Village Schools of the Bible. A man who had served Christ in Africa for 35 years, Monty didn’t waste words, and he didn’t make casual phone calls. I had missed one of his weekly Bible survey classes the kind with serious expectations weekly readings, written assignments, and a clear warning that if you didn’t do the work, you shouldn’t come to class.

And I hadn’t done the work.

I was 23, newly married, no kids, and with plenty of time on my hands. No excuse. Just laziness. And Monty knew it. But instead of harsh condemnation, he gave me something far more difficult and far more loving firm encouragement.

“I expect more from you than that,” he said gently. “I hope I haven’t been mistaken.”

Those words didn’t feel encouraging in the moment. They exposed me my negligence, my lack of discipline, my failure to steward time well. Yet as I hung up the phone and reflected, that painful dose of truth began to work something deeper. Monty had taken time to call because he cared not just about a missed assignment, but about the outcome of my faith.

And that’s what biblical encouragement is truly about.

Encouragement Isn’t Always Comfortable

Most of us think of encouragement as a warm pat on the back, a soft word in suffering, or affirmation for a job well done. And yes, Scripture is filled with such encouragements. But there’s another kind rarer, costlier, and deeply needed.

It’s the kind that takes you by the shoulders, looks you in the eye, and says, “This isn’t who you are in Christ. You’re called to more.”

This kind of encouragement isn’t about feelings. It’s about faith. Hebrews 12:1–2 exhorts us to “lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely,” so we can “run with endurance the race that is set before us.” Sometimes, we need more than comfort we need confrontation, rooted in love and aimed at our sanctification.

Paul wrote, “Reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching” (2 Timothy 4:2). Exhortation is a form of encouragement but not always one that feels good in the moment. Still, when it comes from someone who loves us and longs for our holiness, it’s a gift straight from God.

The Courage to Speak

Exhortation is rarely easy not for the one receiving it, and not for the one giving it.

Monty’s call required courage. It would have been simpler to let it go. To assume I didn’t care. To write me off. But he didn’t. He picked up the phone and took the risk of being misunderstood, rejected, or ignored.

That kind of love is rare. Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” That’s what Monty gave me not flattery, not silence, but a faithful wound, delivered with gentleness and rooted in love.

I’ve since had to walk in his shoes sitting across from a dear friend, seeing sin tightening its grip on his life, and knowing that love meant speaking. Not scolding. Not sermonizing. Just telling the truth, even if it cost me the relationship.

It didn’t. By God’s grace, he heard me. It changed him. And it deepened our friendship.

But even if it hadn’t it would have been worth it. Because biblical love tells the truth.

Why the Church Needs More Montys

The author of Hebrews commands believers to “exhort one another every day... that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (Hebrews 3:13). Not weekly. Not when it’s comfortable. Every day.

Why? Because sin is deceitful. Because hearts grow cold. Because time is short. Because faith, like muscles, needs resistance to grow strong. God often delivers that resistance through brothers and sisters brave enough to speak up.

And yet, few of us do. Fear of awkwardness, rejection, or offense keeps us silent when love demands speech. We need more believers like Monty people who understand that exhortation isn’t the opposite of love; it’s a vital expression of it.

Encouragement That Endures

Monty passed away in 2007, full of years and full of fruit. Those who knew him remember him as a great encourager. Not the flattering kind, but the real kind the biblical kind.

He affirmed, yes. He consoled, certainly. But he also exhorted, because he wanted to see people grow in Christ. He didn’t care about your comfort more than your sanctification. That made his encouragement credible. And unforgettable.

I still carry the memory of that phone call. Not because it made me feel good it didn’t but because it made me grow. It’s one of the reasons I now want to live like Monty. To speak truth in love. To not shy away from hard conversations. To pursue not just the safety of relationships, but their sanctifying power.

We don’t need more friends who let us slide. We need friends who will pick up the phone and say, “I expected more from you because Christ has more for you.”

If that reminded you of someone who’s spoken truth into your life, send this their way. Or subscribe to our newsletter for our emails to receive more articles that grow your faith.