Once, I found myself ensnared in a cycle of emotional investment with minimal returns—a cycle where I, the relationship counselor, was led on. Yes, even experts get taken for a ride sometimes. It was not just once; it became a pattern where I’d oscillate between hopeful beginnings and disappointing ends.
Many of you might find this narrative familiar. Here’s the usual sequence: initial excitement, increasing interactions, burgeoning hopes—then confusion sets in, followed by the painful realization that you are more invested than they are. The finale often involves a harsh truth: they are not as committed as you thought, maybe never were.
Reflecting on these patterns, I recognized a bitterness toward these men who seemed to play with my feelings. Yet, the truth hit hard—I had to stop playing the victim. In relationships, no one can lead you on without your consent.
Here’s what I learned about avoiding the painful path of being led on:
Recognize the Cycle
The cycle starts with excitement and investment without adequate reciprocation. You give more, hoping that your affection will be returned, only to be met with ambiguity. Understanding this pattern is the first step to breaking it.
Confront the Reality
Rather than waiting in confusion, seek clarity. Have those tough conversations about where the relationship is headed. It’s essential to assert yourself and find out whether you’re on the same page.
Give Wisely
Continually giving without receiving sets you up for disappointment. Relationships should be reciprocal. If you find yourself always on the giving end, it’s time to reevaluate.
Set Boundaries
Instead of letting things flow without direction, set clear boundaries. Determine what you are comfortable with and stick to it. Boundaries help protect your heart and clarify your expectations.
Understand True Leadership in Relationships
For Christian women, the concept of a man as a ‘leader’ in a relationship can sometimes lead to passivity. Remember, leadership within a relationship should be confined to the covenant of marriage and should be about mutual respect and submission. Until then, no one should assume a leading role in your life.
Embrace Self-Leadership
Take charge of your emotional and relational wellbeing. You have the autonomy to make decisions that honor and respect your values and feelings. Don’t relinquish this power to anyone.
Seek Divine Guidance
Ultimately, let your relationship with God guide your relationships with others. He is the leader who will never lead you astray. Trust in Him to direct your paths in relationships and life.
Reflect on Your Relationship History
Look back at your relationships. What patterns do you see? What have they taught you about your choices and tendencies? Use these insights to make better choices moving forward.
Cultivate Contentment
Sometimes, the fear of being alone pushes us to cling to relationships that are not healthy or fulfilling. Finding contentment in being single can empower you to choose relationships for the right reasons.
Let God Lead
Place God at the center of your life. Let Him lead your path and trust that His guidance is perfect. When God is your primary leader, you are less likely to be swayed by fleeting emotions or the influence of others.
In a world where relationships often seem as disposable as the latest gadget, it’s crucial to remember that real connection requires depth and commitment. By taking control of your relational dynamics and placing God at the helm, you empower yourself to form healthier, more fulfilling relationships. You deserve to be more than someone’s option, and with the right approach, you will no longer just follow along but choose wisely who is worth walking with.
