Stepparenthood is not on anyone’s bucket list. We do not envision a blended family, remarriage, or step-parenting as part of the plan for our future offspring. Nevertheless, living in a non-traditional family is quite common in the modern era. According to Ron L. Deal’s Smart Stepfamilies, 42% of adults have a step relationship, such as with a step or half sibling, stepchild, or stepparent. Combining the 11.6 million stepchildren in the United States, approximately 113.6 million Americans, or 16 percent of all children, have a step relationship.
This surprising statistic makes blended families feel less isolated. It is common, frequent, and more accepted among families of this generation. God is not surprised by your place in your blended family. He placed you in this situation on purpose. You and your stepchild share this family for heavenly purposes, and how you care for the role of stepparenting can inspire others in similar circumstances.
Still, it is not simple. Creating a family with members from diverse locations, experiences, and backgrounds can be difficult and complex. When assuming a stepparenting role, you’ll need all the assistance you can get. You wish to form a bond with your stepchild(ren). This bonding may involve reading books or engaging in family therapy, which is acceptable. God will ultimately be your guide through these new experiences.
The connection you desire with your stepchildren will not develop immediately. It will require consistency, time, and effortful labor. However, the effort will be worthwhile when you have an affectionate relationship with your stepchildren that lasts their entire lives. How then do you raise a child who is not your biological child? How do you love them as if they were your own and connect with them on the deepest level possible? Here are some ways to strengthen your relationship with your stepchild.
Encourage an amicable relationship with their other parent
This is a crucial step. To foster a harmonious relationship with your stepchild, you must let go of all hurtful words, negative interactions, and resentment toward the other biological parent. These complicated relationships can be challenging; after all, you are now co-parenting a child with an individual you did not choose. This individual likely had a problem with her spouse, as they are no longer together. If you desire a harmonious and cohesive relationship with your stepchild, you must be capable of forgiveness and grace. They will never confide in you if you spread negative information about their other parent. They want to know that you can be relied upon and trusted without a hidden agenda or resentment clouding your judgment.
Be their friend while also acting as a parent
This step can be challenging, but it is possible if you have good intentions and God’s assistance. The blended family dynamic is often chaotic. Occasionally, the stepparent assumes a parental/discipline role. Other times, the stepparent may defer to the biological parents for enforcement and discipline. In any case, you must foster a loving relationship with the stepchild. Discuss their time with their other parent, engage them in playful banter, and take an interest in their lives.
Find activities to do as a group
Each child is unique and has their own interests. Plan and strategize a joint activity with your stepchild if you want to strengthen your relationship with them. If your stepchild enjoys baking, bake with them and compile a list of your favorite recipes. Spending time together will demonstrate to your stepchild how important he or she is to you. Make time for a private activity between the two of you. It is beneficial to have time apart to get to know one another. Take them on a date to their favorite restaurant and perhaps end the evening with a special dessert.
Make room in the home for them
Two-home children have contrasting perspectives on life. In essence, they have two relaxation areas and two of everything else. If possible, provide your stepchild with a separate room in your home. If they must share a room, provide them with a space for their belongings where they can rest assured that they will be safe when they’re not there. Children must feel that their personal space is respected. They should not feel as though they are a guest in their own home. When they return, you should welcome them with open arms and be interested in what has transpired in their absence. Give your stepchild the same responsibilities and household chores as the other children in the home.
Consider them your child
This strategy can be difficult. Obviously, you parent your biological and stepchildren differently. Regarding disobedience, you exhibit more compassion and grace with your children. In contrast, you tend to be stricter with your stepchildren. This distinction may occur without your awareness. Consider your words and actions toward your stepchild if you become aware of this difference, and make any necessary adjustments. Apologize for your unacceptable behavior with humility and humanity. Even when it is difficult, treat your stepchildren as if they were your own. This action will foster a relationship in which they feel unconditionally loved.
Try not to become overwhelmed by the nuances of stepparenting. There are numerous resources, books, and websites containing vast amounts of knowledge. It may be beneficial to start slowly and with the basics. Pray for them, love them, spend time with them, and establish a connection. This is often easier to say than to do. If you begin to feel overwhelmed, keep in mind that you are not alone. Lean on God and His strength to assist you with your superpowers as a stepparent.
When you first envisioned yourself as a parent, you probably did not consider becoming a stepparent. However, this is your current role, so you must accept it. The most effective strategy is to treat your stepchild as your own child. Let them know that you love them as you would your own child and that you do not treat them as a stepchild.
