For the past 43 years, my wife, Julie, and I have been blessed with the grace-filled journey of parenthood. It’s a role that has evolved over the years, with six children and 22 grandchildren – and counting! Looking back, it’s evident that our experience, sometimes muddled by confusion, has sculpted us into the parents we are today.
Invariably, we are seeking advice on raising children. Often, it’s our own offspring seeking guidance as they embark on their own parenting journeys. The complexity of parenting defies simplification. However, the wisest counsel originates from the Word of God.
Scriptures such as Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21 underline the parental responsibility, particularly of fathers, to raise children without inciting frustration or discouragement. A challenging task, as my younger self would attest, often misguidedly resorting to an excess of rules as the solution to parenting issues.
Reflecting on our evolution as parents, we have distilled three pillars of parenting, drawing parallels to the boundless love and nurturing nature of God.
- Attention
Living in a time riddled with ceaseless distractions, providing undivided attention to our children can be a herculean task. The clamor of daily chores, social media, pressing deadlines, and myriad other diversions often relegate our children to the periphery of our focus.
However, our Heavenly Father never takes His eyes off us, instructing and guiding us unswervingly (Psalm 32:8, 33:18). Emulating God’s attentive eye, we need to be present and attentive to our children. This might require tuning out the white noise of distractions, closing laptops, putting down phones, and investing quality time.
Importantly, children ought to learn respect for adult conversations and not interrupt unduly. However, they should never be viewed as mere interruptions to our personal agenda. The crux of parenting is to know and understand our children, which is facilitated by giving them our full attention.
- Affection
Our young ones need to feel loved, to be showered with the affection that God shows us. The timeless wisdom of J.C. Ryle, in “The Duties of Parents,” underlines the need for love to be the common thread in all parental interactions.
God’s affection towards us (Hosea 11:3–4, Psalm 103:8) serves as a model for expressing our love towards our children, through physical touch – hugging, kissing, holding, and playful wrestling.
It’s tempting to withhold affection to impart lessons during their transgressions. But, it’s essential to remember that our God never withholds His affection, even when we falter. As Romans 2:4 teaches us, it is God’s kindness that brings us to repentance, a lesson we should carry over to our own parenting.
- Authority
Scriptures such as Proverbs 6:20 and Colossians 3:20 establish the need for children to obey their parents. But authority is not synonymous with bullying, manipulating, or shaming. It should never be rooted in selfishness, vengeance, or cruelty. Such behavior drives children away from God, not toward Him.
We exercise authority not as dictatorial adults, but as reflections of God’s perfect rule. Our task is to help children appreciate the beauty and joy of God’s commands. We could incorporate God’s teachings into daily life, clarify God’s rules versus parental preferences, and discuss the implications of disobedience, among other strategies.
Authority, used wisely, achieves three things:
- It teaches children about God’s expectations for us as expressed in Psalm 25:10.
- It highlights our inability to perfectly obey God’s commands, helping children understand their need for a Savior.
- It points children to the perfect obedience of Jesus, our Savior, who took the punishment for our disobedience.
As we navigate through the parenting journey, we won’t always live up to our hopes. However, comfort lies in knowing that our heavenly Father, always watching over us, guides us, especially as we raise our young children.
